丈夫 – 家里的头
首先我们必须接受的一件事，就是男女的差别。男人有英勇阳刚的特性，而女人优雅温柔。男人的身体构造，从细胞到23对染色体，基本上与女人是不一样的。因此男性和女性无论是在体能上，情绪上，心理方面，精神方面以及与人之间的关系上都大有不同。神起初先创造男人，然后神决定男人需要一个助手，于是神再造夏娃。然而，他们两人都是按着神的形像造的。 (创世记 1 : 27) “ 神就照着自己的形像造人，乃是照着祂的形像造男造女。”因此他们在神面前是平等的。
神显然赋予了丈夫与妻子有不同的角色，并对丈夫有一个明确的命令。“你们作丈夫的，要爱你们的妻子，正如基督爱教会，为教会舍己。”(以弗所书 5 : 25)，并且“ 丈夫也当照样爱妻子，如同爱自己的身子。”(弗 5 : 28)。神还有什麽比这个还更高的目标放在丈夫面前的吗 ? 丈夫必需在各方面都“爱护和珍惜”妻子，保护她；并且要如同基督为教会舍命一样，愿意用为妻子捨己的爱来保护妻子。当丈夫这样对待妻子时，他将会发现妻子对自己的尊重、顺从他如同顺从主一样，并不是件难事了。丈夫必须明白，妻子并不是他的财产，而是他的伴侣。
事实上，这个夫妻关係决定到男人祷告的有果效或无果效, 并且也极大的影响到男人的属灵生命。“你们作丈夫的、也要按情理和妻子同住．因她比你软弱、与你一同承受生命之恩的、所以要敬重她．这样便叫你们的祷告没有阻碍。 ” (彼得前书 3 : 7 ) 。这不是属灵或道德生活的参考，而是指出人的本性是需要被尊敬和被荣耀并且需要被爱的。你若想要有效地服侍神，更需要如此。
早在伊甸园里，上帝就清楚地表明祂创造人类的目的，要人生养众多，遍满全地。繁衍一直都是神的创造计划的证据。
在接下来的经文中，我们会看到神发出了一个命令，一劳永逸的对付了当今社会思想的变态。神说，“ 要生养众多，遍满地面 。” (创 1 : 28)。无论现代人可能是怎麽说，但毫无疑问的，同性恋是邪恶的滥用，颠倒了我们造物主的创造计划了。 同性恋者不能生育繁衍。旧约圣经里所多玛和蛾摩拉便是这样的试图违反神的创造计划。神毁灭了他们，正是因为他们违背上帝的神圣计划而遭到审判的例子。如果你对这些有疑问，去读一读罗马书1:26-27。
‘丈夫’这个字的英文‘husband’的意思为’house-band'(屋子的绑带）。如果这个绑带破裂了，家庭也将会崩溃瓦解。“丈夫”这个词意味着他是一位领导，是一位保护者和供应者；他拥有“无比的爱和关怀。”
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现在我们谈谈丈夫对妻子的义务，那可以用一个字来概括 – 就是“ 爱”。“ 做丈夫的要爱你的妻子。”(以弗所书 5 : 25)。丈夫的要爱妻子，这不是选项，而是神定下的命令。但我们如何能测度“爱”的深浅呢? 我们时常使用爱来描述一些东西，比如 : “我爱我的车子”，“我爱我的狗”或 “我爱骑马”。可是当我们在婚姻关係中论到’爱‘时，这“爱”字有更高更深层次的含义。
圣经说， ” 你们作丈夫的，要爱你们的妻子，正如基督爱教会，为教会舍己 ” ( 弗 5 : 25 )。对于我们必朽坏的凡人来说，若想要完全衡量这种爱，那是超出我们所能理解的，但这种爱必须是每个真丈夫的目标；因为他必需向着这爱的标杆去达成 ! 如果一个男人认真地思考过这道理，那么他一切的自私和自我中心，就会在婚姻祭坛上那裡从他裡面消失。
有关于婚姻生活，爱包含些什麽呢？在婚姻中的许多方面，妻子成为丈夫最重要的并且是最好的朋友。以下的经文可以帮助我们更清楚理解爱的意义，“ 人为朋友舍命，人的爱心没有比这个大的 。” (约翰福音 15 : 13)。耶稣在十字架上为我们设立了一个好榜样。我们同样也可为我们最好的朋友`我们的妻子舍命。.. 让我们探讨爱与婚姻有些什么样的关联。在婚姻中，妻子成为丈夫的许多样东西，但最重要的一样是妻子成为丈夫最好的朋友。以下的经节将这个爱放进一个透视让我能更清澈的了解这个爱的涵义，“ 人为朋友舍命，人的爱心没有比这个大的 。” （约翰福音15:13）。耶稣在十字架上为我们设立了这个好榜样。我们对自己最好的朋友-我们的妻子，也当如此，愿意为妻子捨命。现在就看我们如让这爱关係到婚姻了。
妻子也可能会发现到自己会被不同方向所拉扯要去走/去做。这些拉力的本身都不是坏的，但是，神将家庭放在优先首位，我们也必须这样做-在家裡有优先次序。丈夫负有着为家庭设立准则/方针的责任，并且在家裡做领导的榜样。不应该把这责任推给妻子。妻子的责任是跟从并且支持丈夫所立下的模范，两人齐心按着圣经真理的原则让神引导。
丈夫应该是餐前谢饭祷告的带领人，以及晚上在家中与妻子和小孩灵修时间的带领者。丈夫必需是认真学习上帝话语的受教者，运用圣经的教导与真理在家里可能发生的各种情况上。丈夫不应该只是接送家人上教会就够了，他应该带着家人参加教会，而不仅仅是送家人到教会去而已。家庭与教会必需一起同工，来建立一个以耶稣基督为首的婚姻。
物质与属灵的领导者
有些男人也许是优秀的爱人，却是糟糕的领导者。反过来有些男人是出色的领导者，但却是个死板恋人。雄性自尊常常造成男人在心理上对自己的认定远超过他的实际能力。因此如何保持平衡非常关键。丈夫与妻子两人都必须在各自在家裡的角色保持平衡。过度的承诺会让婚姻关係带来压力，会在家庭关係上造成紧张。我们的家庭生活既然是最优先的，如何取得平衡是决定要投入多少时间的重要关键；如何分配利用时间是秘诀。
丈夫可能会在一星期的7天中，被工作会议所消耗了、晚上还要参与教会的活动、或对各样的运动上了瘾等等…还有一连串的活动表，造成自己筋疲力尽。肯定会有上千的活动会消耗你的时间`造成你离开家庭/家人的。然而，圣经有清楚的教导，给出秩序让你知道优先顺序你的家庭生活。
1. 对圣灵 (以弗所书 5 : 18-19 )
2. 彼此敬畏上帝 (以弗所书 5 : 21)
3. 妻子对丈夫 (以弗所书5 : 22)
4. 丈夫对基督 (以弗所书 5 : 25)
5. 小孩对父母 (以弗所书 6 : 1)
6. 仆人对主人 (以弗所书 6 : 5)
7. 主人对上帝(以弗所书 6 : 9)
物质供应
” 爱 ” 这个字包含了很多的责任并且有很多的含义。在婚礼誓言中，丈夫接下了供应家人的担子；没有一个真男人会想要逃避这责任义务的。圣经严厉斥责那些轻忽自己在这方面的责任，或逃避责任的男人。圣经说，“ 人若不看顾亲属，就是背了真道，比不信的人还不好。不看顾自己家里的人更是如此。”(提摩太前书 5 : 8)。一般来说，让正在喂养幼龄孩子的妻子出外工作赚钱，那不是最好的事。心理学家说，对孩子一生裡的最大影响，是在孩子6岁以前造成。因此，可能是母亲-你自己，或是保姆，将会塑造你孩子的生命。你想，谁是神的选择呢？然而因个人的家庭情况和需要，妻子在儿女年幼时需要外出工作，但这不应该是普遍的常态。供应家人的需要，是丈夫的责任，丈夫应该尽最大的努力，在神面前荣耀这个本分与责任。
有许多做丈夫的在这裡犯了一个错误。在他们热心尽力为妻儿提供丰沃的生活时，却忘记了主。他们没有与上帝同工；在神的事工上，毫无付出。然后他们又纳闷为什麽神没有更丰盛的祝福他们。“ 因为得财货的力量是祂给你的 ” (申命记 8 : 18)。一个真实又智慧的男人，绝不会把该献给神的供物，挥洒在妻子与孩子身上的。哥林多后书第8章到第9章清楚地教导我们，信徒应当从家里取出一部份献给神。丈夫必须供应家庭的物质需要，但，神是我们一切需要的最终供应者。当你奉献给神时，你可以因而宣告这个允许属于你：“ 我的神必照祂荣耀的丰富，在基督耶稣里，使我们一切所需用的都充足。”(腓利比书 4 : 19)。
合一
当男人在婚礼当中向女人伸出手来的那一刻，他以那个行动说，‘在世上所有的女人当中，我选择了你’。在婚姻裡两人合为一体代表夫妻将要成为如一人那样 – 那影响到其中一人的，也影响到另外一人。为这缘故，两人要爱惜关怀，体贴理解彼此这特殊的另一半。当夫妻合而为一共同生活时，上帝赐了这个特别的命令，“你们作丈夫的、也要按情理和妻子同住．因他比你软弱、与你一同承受生命之恩的、所以要敬重他．这样便叫你们的祷告没有阻碍。” (彼得前书 3 : 7)。丈夫如果没有善待妻子，将使你的祷告受阻，并且会影响你的一生。当妻子的美貌逐渐的消逝、当她的脸上出现了皱纹、声音也不再悦耳、当妻子疾病缠身时；丈夫必须仍旧一如既往，真挚深刻的爱妻子。你要为她给出你自己，“ 正如基督爱教会、为教会舍己。”(以弗所书 5 : 25 )。这是一个高标准，而对于基督徒丈夫而言，这是一个要实践的标准，丈夫必须如此对待妻子，直到回天家为止。（或直到两人之中其一回到天家为止。）
危险区… 男人对于与其他女人的接触与心思处理上，必需严格的防卫。男人最大的诱惑来自“肉体的情欲”。魔鬼就会利用这个弱点来毁灭你的婚姻。请别夸口这种事情绝对不会发生在你身上。读一读旧约圣经里的历史人物；大卫、所罗门王以及其他人就能知道。
做丈夫的必须在这些方面防卫自己的心，并且持守理智。男人必须圣洁地对待女人。(提摩太前书5 : 2)。他必须避免一切婚姻之外的性遐思，或任何性行为。(以弗所书 5 : 3 – 4 与 希伯来书 13 : 4)
“ 约伯与眼睛立了约 ”。决心不带着邪念看其他女人(约伯记 13 : 1)。为了保护你的婚姻，你必须保护你的眼睛。如果你在电视上看到诱惑的镜头，马上换频道。若你在杂志上看见，就马上翻页。如果出现在你的计算机上，赶紧删除掉。我再次提醒你，防卫好你的眼睛与脑子，你就能保守你的心。你或许认为你自己能够应付诱惑试探；但你错了。上帝赐给我们一个胜过试探的方法–逃避– “ 你们要逃避少年的私欲。 ” (提摩太后书 2 : 22)
体贴
很多时候，男人往往对于体贴的事情不在意，不懂得体贴人。问题在于，当你下了班回到家裡后，就放松了警惕，随意而不拘小节了。平时无论是在商店或街上，你都会小心自己的态度。你会彬彬有礼而且周到。在工作场合你是小心翼翼的怕伤害工作场所女同事的感觉。但当你一回家后，就发泄怨气，把积压了一天的苦水，倾泄出来。你可能很尖刻，话短又粗野。家人问你话时，常不耐烦的回应，声调粗野，惹人脑怒。你认为因为这女人是你妻子，所以即使你对她粗野，她也应该会知道你是爱她的。你认为她不应该介意你所做的任何事或所说的任何话，即使你的那些说话与做法，对别的女人而言，根本就是大大的冒犯。其实，你忘记了，你妻子是有感受的；而她，很可能与你一样，在受你窝囊气之前，她在这天也已经疲累难当了。
丈夫容易在家裡犯的另一个重大错误是没有尽最大的努力用良善与耐心来对待妻子。有些男人的确不会在家裡说伤人的话或尖刻的话；但是有一点我们也必须承认，他们也很少对妻子表达温柔与关爱。他们的话简短、公式化得像在谈生意一样。那种在恋爱时期的爱人到新婚之后丈夫的温暖，奇怪的突然在婚后一下子就消失了。对妻子“疼爱与珍惜”的承诺早已被忘得一乾二净了。你这做丈夫的啊～你真肤浅！ “ 被表达出来的爱 ”是需要被培养的，就好比其它的感情一样需要被栽培，否则，那爱就会枯萎死掉的。
有时，男人需要对妻子的更加的敏感和体贴，要更关心妻子的感受。比如孩子可能是病了一整天，或孩子不听话造成她难受了；或家务堆积拖延；或她必须应付许多突发的事故时，妻子有可能感到孤单无助。这时候如果丈夫温柔体贴，表现出柔情，么妻子一整天的难受沮丧，就会一扫而空。其实，只需要丈夫付出那么一点点的体贴，就能要让妻子消除一天的疲惫颓丧，而恢复心灵的喜悦了。
商量
我们常理所当然的以为，若是一个男人觉得一个女人值得做他妻子的话，他就会将她当成是一个成熟，聪慧的人来看待。但是有些男人却对待妻子如同对待儿童心智的人。他们从不与妻子分享工作上的事或一天当中的辛苦拼搏。虽然女人对于男人的事业一无所知，妻子可能不了解丈夫生意上的一切。但她可能持有更广的视野，可能是好顾问能够提供丈夫很好的忠告哩。圣经箴言31章里启示说，寻求妻子忠告/建议的丈夫是有智慧的。妻子可能不像你那样在脑子裡知道细节详情，可是凭着女人的直觉，她往往很快就捉住了要点，而男人的逻辑思维却缓慢才到来！因为妻子没有直接的接触所牵涉到的问题，因此使她的判断能更清晰更精确。在事业上征求妻子的忠告的男人，是有智慧的人。事实上，许多男人因着与妻子商量/听妻子的判断而辉煌腾达；他们真应该要感谢妻子。
心胸宽大
男人的脑袋与他的心必需要同步。愿上天把我们从一个 ‘目中无人’的自大`又是爱当家裡小暴君的那光景裡拯救出来。男人喜欢在自家范围里面，发号咆哮命令家人，对待妻子孩子如同对待畜牲般的没两样。在所有可鄙视的人当中，这种人最低贱不过了。这种男人完全违反了神所教导的，要男人如何去善待妻子的教导。他们完全不知道“ 丈夫，当爱你的妻子” 的这概念是什麽意思。
降服于基督
愿你将这信念烙印在心里。有些男人对妻子很温柔。他们为为妻子的舒适提供一切需要的物质。他们很体贴周到、心胸宽大。他们与妻子商议/听忠告，对妻子很好；但是一谈到属灵的事情时，他们就退缩，不参与与妻子一起敬拜神。他们在妻子生命中最神圣的地方，将自己摒除在外了。
妻子一个人独自上教会；她一个人独自领圣餐；一个人独自屈膝祷告。妻子独自承受试炼，独自抱持她灵魂的盼望和理想。她自己更希望她的丈夫比希望世界上的任何人，愿意来到基督面前，接受主耶稣为救主并做他生命中的主。可在这一切属灵的事上，丈夫却还一点都与她无份…。“ 若一家自相分争、那家就站立不住。” (马可福音 3 : 25)
他弃绝了在婚姻殿堂上所做的誓言。神造了我们的身体，灵魂和精神。做丈夫的一旦否定这种神圣关係的属灵部分的话，就是在这个婚姻盟约最重要的部分蒙蔽自己。丈夫也就无法持守他在婚姻祭坛前的承诺。我们甚至可以对每一个为人妻的说，也许这样的婚姻不是上帝所希望的婚姻。这时妻子应该靠着神的恩典，不断地以好行为的见证来感化丈夫，使不信的丈夫因她而得救。“ 你们作妻子的、要顺服自己的丈夫．这样、若有不信从道理的丈夫、他们虽然不听道、也可以因妻子的品行被感化过来。” (彼前 3 : 1)
如果你们夫妻两人不是在灵与魂合一的话，那么这样的婚姻不是上帝所期望的。丈夫在的这种行为是极大的错误，应当受谴责的， 上帝会带他进入审判要他回答这个问题。 对基督徒妻子和家人而言，这是一个重大的错误，他这行为的后果将会在神的宝座前显露出来，接受审判。
夫妻俩人的心应该在永恆的团契裡联结在一起。人在地球上的岁月，只不过是一个盟约的准备时段，好能够在死阴幽谷之外延续，并且持续的进入一切的永恆。我们相信，在神想要赐福`但人却悖逆的失败婚姻中，许多人将会淌着泪水进天堂。神会擦乾所有的眼泪，但我们还是会记得到底发生了什麽事情的。我相信许多人要为他们失败的婚姻哀哭流泪，因为神没法祝福这些人的婚姻。虽然神可以擦干他们的眼泪，却无法涂抹他们悲伤的记忆。我们祈求神帮助这个不在属灵的关係上用心的丈夫反省，使他能够思考这些事，将自己委身于妻子和孩子；更重要的是委身于神，让耶稣基督成为他生命的主宰。
如果你做的不对，而想要纠正的话，现在就可以来做。当你朋友敲你房子的门时，你会马上开门并邀请他进来对不对？现在耶稣就在你的心门外敲门。要不要打开心门邀请祂进来，这决定在于你。祂只会在你邀请祂时，才会进来。耶稣进来之后，祂会洁净你的心，使你的心成为你每天能与祂团契的地方。祂会住在你心里、每天与你同在。耶稣说，“ 看哪、我站在门外叩门．若有听见我声音就开门的、我要进到他那里去、我与他、他与我一同坐席。”(启示录3 : 20)
Husband – The Head of the Home
The first thing we must accept is that men and women are different. Men have masculine qualities, and women have feminine qualities. The very physical makeup of a man is different from the cells in his body right down to the 23 chromosomes. Males and females differ physically, emotionally, psychologically, mentally and relationally. God designed man first and determined that he needed a helper, so he created Eve. However, both were created in the image of God. “In the image of God created him, male and female” (Genesis 1:27). This makes them co-equal under God.
God clearly gave different roles to the husband and wife with a clear mandate to the husband. He is to “love his wife as Christ loved the church” (Eph 5:25), and he is to “love his wife as his own body” (Eph. 5:28). What higher goal is He to put before a husband? He is to show the same concern for her in every aspect such as: “nourish and cherish” her, protect her and have the same self-sacrificing love as Christ had for the church. When a man treats his wife like this, he will find a wife that will find it easy to respect him and submit to him as “unto the Lord”. He must understand that a woman is not a man’s property, but his partner.
In fact, this relationship determines the effectiveness of the man’s prayers and tremendously impacts his spiritual life “likewise, ye husbands, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered” (I Peter 3:7). This is not a reference to the spiritual or moral life, but to the physical make up of the body, which demands respect, honor and love if you are to be effective in serving the Lord.
Even in the Garden of Eden, God made it clear that the purpose of His creation was to multiply and replenish the earth. Reproduction has always been evidence of God’s plan of creation. In the very next verse, God gave a command that once and for all settles the perversion concerning the thinking of today’s society. He said, “Be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28). In spite of what modern man may say, there is no question that homosexuality is an evil perversion of the plan of our Creator. They cannot physically reproduce. Sodom and Gomorrah tried to violate this. God destroyed them as an example of His judgment for violation of His Divine plan. If you have questions about this, read Romans 1:26-27.
The meaning of the word “husband” is “house-band”. He is the one that is to bind the home together. If the band breaks, the home will fall apart. The very name infers that the husband is to be a leader, a protector and a provider with a lot of TLC – “Tender Loving Care”.
Sacrifice is demanded
Now we come to the duty of a husband to his wife, which can be summarized in one word – LOVE. “Husbands love your wives” (Ephesians 5:25). It’s not an option, but how can we measure the height and depth of that word? We often use the word to describe things such as: “I love my car,” “I love my dog,” or “I love to ride a horse.” However, when we speak of love in a marriage relationship, it moves the meaning of the word to a much higher level.
The Bible says, “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it” (Ephesians 5:25). The full measure of that love is impossible to comprehend for any mortal man, but this must be the goal of every true husband because he is required to attain it! If a man really thinks this through, then all selfishness dies within him at the marriage altar. What does love include as it relates to the married life? In marriage, the wife becomes many things to her husband, but the most important thing that she becomes is his best friend. The following verse puts this love in perspective and gives us a clearer understanding of this love: “Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friend” (John 15:13). Jesus set this example for us at the cross. We can do no less for our best friend, our wife. Now let’s see how that relates to marriage.
The wife can also find herself being pulled in a hundred different directions. None of these may be evil within themselves, however, God sets a priority on the home, and we must do the same. The husband is responsible to set guidelines and be the example of leadership in the home. It is not to be passed off to his wife. She is to follow and support his example, being guided together by true biblical principles.
The husband should be the leader in prayer at meals and in home devotions at night with his wife and children. He must be a student of the Word, applying biblical teachings and truths to the many situations that arise in the home. He should take his family to church, not send them. The home and the Church must work together in building a marriage in which Jesus Christ is the head.
Physical and Spiritual Leadership
There are men who may be great lovers but terrible leaders, and there are men who are great leaders but terrible lovers. The male ego often finds itself mentally exalted far beyond its true capacity. The key to this is balance. Both the husband and the wife must strive to achieve balance in their roles. Over commitment will put stress on the marriage relationship and tension in the home. The home is the priority, and balance is the key ingredient in investing our time. The husband may find himself consumed with business meetings, involvement in church activities several nights a week, or addicted to the sports world – the list can go on. Be sure there will be a thousand things to consume your time and take you away from your home. However, the Bible clearly teaches the order for prioritizing your family life.
1. To the Holy Spirit (Eph. 5:18-19)
2. One to another in the fear of God (Eph. 5:21)
3. Wives to Husband (Eph. 5:22)
4. Husband to Christ (Eph. 5:25)
5. Children to Parents (Eph. 6:1)
6. Servants to Master (Eph. 6:5)
7. Masters to God in Heaven (Eph. 6:9)
Material Provision
The word “love” includes many responsibilities and has many implications. In the wedding vows, the husband assumes the burden of support, and no true man will seek to evade this obligation. The Bible has sharp words to say about men who take their responsibility lightly in this direction. It says, “But if any provide not for his own, and especially for those of his own house he has denied faith and is worse than an infidel” (I Timothy 5:8). Normally, it is not the best thing when the wife goes out to earn part of the daily bread, especially when there are children in the home. Psychologists say that the greatest impact on a child’s life is made during the first six years. It can be the mother, or a baby sitter that will mold your child’s life. Who do you think is God’s choice? However, there may be circumstances, occasionally, where such a need may arise, but it should not be the norm. It is the husband’s responsibility to provide for the needs of the family and to do so, to the best of his ability, honoring his responsibility before God.
Many husbands make a mistake here. In their zeal to provide lavishly for their children and wife, they forget the Lord. They fail to take Him into partnership. They give nothing to God’s works and ministries, and they wonder why God does not bless them more abundantly. “It is He what giveth us power to get gain” (Deuteronomy 8:18). The true and wise man will not shower on his wife and children what rightly belongs to the Lord God of Hosts. II Corinthians 8-9 clearly gives us instruction that giving must be a part of the Christian home. The husband must provide the material necessities for the home, but God is the ultimate supplier of our needs. As you give unto Him, you can then claim this promise, “But my God shall supply all your needs according to his riches in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19).
Oneness
When a man offers a woman his hand in marriage, he says by that act, of all the women on earth, he has chosen her. Oneness in marriage means two will become as one – what affects the one, affects the other. There must be tender loving care and understanding of this special person. As they live together as one, God gives this special command “ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers be not hindered” (I Peter 3:7). Treating your wife wrongly quenches your prayers and impacts your whole life. When her physical beauty is diminishing, when her face is wrinkled, when her voice is no longer musical, when sickness has left its trace, he is to love her as truly and as deeply as ever. You are to give yourself for her “as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it” (Ephesians 5:25). This is a high standard, and to the Christian husband, it is a standard to be practiced until heaven welcomes one of them home.
Danger zones…The treatment and thought process about women must be guarded. The “lust of the flesh” is one of man’s strongest temptations, and the devil will use it to destroy your marriage. Don’t say it can’t happen to you. Read the history of David, Solomon and others. The husband must guard his heart and mind in these matters. A man must treat women with purity (I Timothy 5:2). He must avoid any thought of, or sexual activity, outside of marriage (Ephesians 5:3-4 and Hebrews 13:4).
Job made a “covenant with his eyes” (Job 31:1). He committed not to look (or think) upon another woman with evil intentions. To protect your marriage, you must protect your eyes. If you see it on television, change the channel. If you see it in a magazine, turn the page. If it appears on your computer, quickly delete it. Again, guard your eyes and mind, and you will guard your heart. You may think you can handle it, but you are wrong. God gives one answer – FLEE – “Flee youthful lusts” (II Timothy 2:22).
Thoughtfulness
Much of the time, men are often careless about thoughtfulness. The problem is that you drop your guard, and fall into free and easy habits at home. In the shop, or on the street, you are exceedingly careful. You are polite and attentive. You are careful not to injure the feelings of a lady at your work place, but when you reach home, you give vent all of the problems and talk that has been suppressed all day. You can be cutting, short and blunt in your remarks. Questions are answered impatiently and rudely in an irritated tone of voice. You think that because a woman is your wife, she should know that you love her, even if we are rude to her. You think she should not mind anything you do or say, even if it is something that would greatly offend other women. However, you forget she has feelings, and she to, may have had a rough day.
Another great mistake made in the home is that you don’t put your greatest efforts forth in the matter of kindness and patience. There are men who do not say anything mean, or cutting in the home, but it must be confessed that they say few tender, loving things. Their speech is short, crisp and businesslike. The warmth of the lover and the newlywed husband has strangely disappeared. The promises to “love and cherish” have soon been forgotten. How shortsighted a policy this is! Spoken love needs to be cultivated as well as any other kind of love, and if it is not fed, it will die.
There are times when a man should be especially sensitive and thoughtful toward his wife. A child may have been sick all day or he may have distressed her by his disobedience; the household work has been upset and delayed, and the whole day has been full of unusually trying cares. She may be hurting and lonely, and if her husband has tenderness and will show it, then memories of the day will quickly wipe away. It takes so little thoughtfulness to erase the battles of the day and restore joy to the heart.
Counsel
It is taken for granted that if a man feels a woman is worthy of being his wife, he looks upon her as being a mature, intelligent person. Yet after marriage, some men treat their wives like they are on the same mental level as the children. They never share with them about their business, or their battles of the day. Now a woman doesn’t know everything about business, but she can be a great counselor, sometimes seeing the bigger picture. The woman referred to in Proverbs 31 reveals that it is wise for a husband to seek his wife’s advice. She may not carry the details of it in her head as her husband does, but the fact is that a woman’s quick intuition will often leap to a correct point, while a man’s logic is slow in arriving. Then the very fact that she is more, or less, removed from the immediate problem involved will often make her judgment clearer and more accurate. It is a wise man who seeks his wife’s counsel in the matters of his business. Many men can thank their wife’s judgement for a large share of their fortune.
Big-Heartedness
The head and the heart must be in sync. Heaven deliver us from the man who is a “nobody” at work and a petty tyrant in his home. He loves to stand on the hearth and be the dominating, tyrannical bully of the family circle, bawling out commands and threats to his wife and children like some wild animal. Of all the contemptible people, this man is the worst. This is a total violation of what God intended men to be to their wives. This type of person has no concept of what “Husbands, love your wives” means.
Surrender to Christ
May this thought be burned upon your heart. There are men who are tender toward their wives. They provide every needful thing for their comfort. They are thoughtful and big-hearted. They counsel with them and are kind toward them, but when it comes to spiritual matters, they draw back and take no part in worshipping with them. They shut themselves out of the deepest and most sacred part of a wife’s life. Alone she goes to church. Alone she sits at the Lord’s Supper. Alone she falls to her knees in prayer. Alone she bears the hopes, trials and aspirations of her soul. Alone she wants her husband, more than anyone in the world, to come to Jesus Christ and make him his Lord and Savior. He has no part with her in all of this. “And if a house is divided against itself that house cannot stand” (Mark 3:25).
He denies the very vows he made at the marriage altar. God made us body, soul and spirit. To deny the spiritual part of this sacred relationship is to be blind to the most important part of this union. We could say to each wife that maybe in this situation that such a marriage is not a marriage as God intended it to be! Only His grace will see her through and she can claim the promise that her consistent testimony may be the result of his salvation. “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the Word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior” (I Peter 3:1 NASB).
If together you are not one in soul and spirit then this marriage is not the way God intended it to be. Such action on the part of a husband is utterly wrong and reprehensible, and God will bring him into judgement to answer for it. It is a great wrong to the Christian wife and family, and the consequence of his actions will be revealed at the Judgement seat.
Hearts are to be united in eternal fellowship. The years here on earth are but times of preparation for a union that will endure beyond the valley of the shadows of death and last through all eternity. We believe many tears will be shed in heaven over failed marriages that God wanted to bless but could not. He will wipe away all tears, but we will have memories of what might have been. We pray that God will help a husband who is not in this right relationship to think upon these things and to surrender his life to his wife and his children, but more importantly to Jesus Christ, making Him Lord of his life.
If things are not right and you want to settle them, you can do it right now. If a friend knocked on the door of your house, you would open it and invite him in. Jesus knocks at the door of your heart, but it is up to you to open the door and invite Him in. He will only enter at your invitation. He will cleanse your heart and make it a place where you and He can have fellowship every day of your life. He says, “Behold I stand at the door and knock. If any man hear my voice (that’s you) and will open the door, I will come in to him and sup with him and he with me” (Revelation 3:20).