妻子 – 家庭的心脏
若你是个女人正读到这裡，想了解你在婚姻裡的角色的话，请现在停下来，先翻开你的圣经箴言31章（阅读及思考第10节到31节这一段）。这些经节能帮助你明白你在婚姻裡的角色。本文也能帮助你根据这段经节，用一些实际的方法，让你明白上帝在创世的“起初”所立定的美好夫妻关系。
我相信每个女人都会明白自己对于未来丈夫的价值。箴言31:10说，“你的价值远胜过珍珠”。当一个男人向你求婚时，你已经从世上的所有人当中被挑选出来了。这所带来的责任与机会，可能天上的天使也羡慕着呢。掌握在妻子手中的是她丈夫与儿女们的命运与他们在世上的一切好处，往往她自己还意识不到。你将会是未来在丈夫与孩子身上和在家庭裡最大的影响 – 远超过任何人/任何事物。他们的发展和命运，很大部分是掌握在你的手裡。人们经常说，“儿童是家庭的产物”。父母都在家庭中留下印记，但是由于母亲投入了时间和精力在塑造孩子的习惯，人格和思想，她对于孩子们的潜移默化是特别有影响的（箴言31:28）。
“妻子”这词的英文‘Wife’,意思为‘weaver’- “交织者/织布工”的意思。她是那一个把家庭编织到所该有的美丽设计图桉裡的人。裡面的每一织线都必需彼此互补，相互依赖，来呈现出织布者的意念。一个由基督徒妻子所编织的家庭将会表现出优雅与荣美，显露出圣灵在家裡所有的这些事务裡所做之工的恩典。 这也会在她孩子和丈夫的生命里清楚的反映出来。“她的儿女起来称她为有福，她的丈夫也称赞她，说：才德的女子很多，唯独你超过一切。”（箴言31:28-29）
家庭是妻子的宫殿。就像主耶稣基督是教会的头，而圣灵是永恆的存在者，祂引导，影响，指示与教导并施行在圣经裡所立定的规则。所有妻子在家庭的角色如同圣灵在教会的角色一样。她对家庭中所有事情的影响就好比圣灵对教会的工作一样。妻子对于家庭，她带领，教导，安慰，鼓励，给予并且理解，这样在信仰中建立她的丈夫和孩子。。
多年前的一位作家给出对一位好妻子的描述，说“一位好妻子是上天赐予男人的最好礼物，是他的天使和数算不尽的恩惠照顾，是他许多美德的珍贵珠宝。她的声音是他最甜美的音乐，她的笑靥照亮丈夫灿烂的一天。她的亲吻是丈夫在无知迷惘时的守卫，她的膀臂成为他的安全桩。她的事业是给丈夫带来财富，她的经营可靠是丈夫最安心的管家。她的口发智慧是丈夫最信任的顾问，她的胸是丈夫最喜爱最柔软的枕头。而她的祷告是最能感动上天赐福在丈夫头上的代言。”
如果以上是理想的妻子，那么在与男人结婚前，女人应该问一些问题。因为妻子是家庭的心脏。女人应该问自己是否俱备所需要的一切？做一个敬虔的妻子，需要些什么条件？想要成为一个良善有真实的妻子，你需要是什麽样的女人呢？这是你渴慕想要过的生活吗？以下是需要考虑的一些条件，为要成就神在基督徒婚姻裡为妻子所设计的角色。
合夥的关係
我在较广的意义上使用“合伙关係”这个词。请再读一遍箴言对于一个才德的妇人的描述。“她丈夫心里依靠她”。丈夫知道她是最好的朋友与伴侣，并完全单单属于他一人。丈夫知道对于自己的一切利益与想做的事，妻子都是真心付出的；丈夫必需同样的的真诚来对待她。妻子对丈夫的需要体贴，而且对丈夫的未来深思熟虑。她在丈夫身旁帮助他做的许多理想。没有任何人能满足丈夫的需要，扩大他的愿景/视野，目标，未来，并且完全委身于他，像自己所娶的妻子那样能的。
家庭的维持
的确，在某些特定的工作上，男人与女人是平等的。但现今的社会我们看见，男人与女人在职场上为工作彼此竞争。我们应该问自己我做这给工的真正动机的是什么？可能是为了权力，金钱，自我价值，被人接纳，得到认可，权利，物质或很多其他的原因，所有这些并并没有对或错。夫妻两人认为，如果在工作一段时间之后，收入的增加将能会使他们有能力拥有所需要的东西，比如更大的房子，更新的车子，小孩能接受私立学校的教育等等…还有更多的其他更多的理由。然而，调查显示，当这种情发生后，这对夫妇从来就不太能因为他们的收入增加了就达到他们所梦想的生活水平。 一旦这一对夫妇设定了基于两份收入的生活水平之后，他们会很难再回到单薪收入的那生活水平，不能过那只有一份工资的生活了。到这个阶段时，两人都已经看不见圣经的清楚教导了。
从圣经的观点来看，上帝真的希望女人出外工作吗？尤其是家裡有幼小孩子的时候？圣经说，老年妇人要“指教少年妇人爱丈夫、爱儿女、谨守、贞洁、料理家务、待人有恩、顺服自己的丈夫、免得 神的道理被毁谤。”（提多书2:4-5）
如果家庭在我们的生活中按照上帝的旨意而有优先权的话，那麽家庭的秩序必须要与圣经的教导一致。上帝的旨意是要妻子在维持家庭与孩子上找到她的满足，藉着打理家务，爱孩子和使家庭成为她全家的的安歇窝/避风港。如果她不会打理家务，不能学习或不愿意学习的话，她必需找人代替她打理屋子。一个整洁，照料完善的房子是快乐婚姻生活绝对不可缺少的。
对于一对年轻夫妇来说，这听来可能很不浪漫，但并没有减损这话的真实。许多幸福的婚姻已经被两人的忙碌工作所破坏了，尤其是当家裡的卫生不清洁，没有准备好饭食，孩子没有得到照顾，东西乱放没有放在合适的地方。丈夫从一个要求要有组织有秩序生意才能成功的的工作场所会到家裡，看到家裡的凌乱会怎麽感觉呢。如果维持井井有条的秩序对于事业生意的成功是如此重要，那么一个家庭要成功的话，所需要的还能少吗？
丈夫可能是一个非常有耐心的人，但是当他一直回到一个髒乱无序的家，屋裡乱七八糟，东西掉在地上不捡起来，该有的东西在那裡也找不到，那麽家庭的喜乐气氛就会被浇熄的。当很多的东西堆积不洁时，当东西掉落地上没被捡起来放回上次使用的地方，没有放在它们原来该放的地方时，压力紧张就会从家裡产生，很快的浪漫温馨就飞出窗外消失不见了。
如果，作为妻子的你，要让亲密关係保持活力的话，那麽请你让家成为他休息的安歇窝，让他能从工作场所的压力中避一避。然后你将自己放在他的位置上设想。当你回到家里时，希望家裡是个什麽样子的呢？显然，爱和尊重必需是绑住这亲密关係的绳索。然而，妥善的照料家务将会营造这个氛围，无论是建造，或是破坏这个关係。如所有的关係一样，都必需要有一个基础的，而这个基础的重要基石之一是良好的家务管理。
互相要沟通
沟通必需从夫妻伙伴之间流出来，分享一切，任何东西都可以谈。在夫妻之间的沟通没有限制，没有任何话题或讨论是禁止的。同时，两人彼此因信任所分享的任何秘密都必须受到保密。如果这这信任被侵犯了，它将严重损害这关係的基本基础。虽然妻子完全信任丈夫，对他毫无隐瞒`没有藏着任何秘密，但是在家庭以外谈到有关家裡的事情时，她会非常的小心谨慎她的言语。
男人常常令人痛心的造成妻子难受。丈夫会犯错有缺点，这会让她恼怒，有时会造成她的痛苦。他会在这个或那个该做的事上没做好。一个有智慧的妻子絕不会在家外面谈这些事，也不会在孩子面前讲。她只会对她的丈夫谈，只会向救主耶稣基督倾诉这些事情。妻子可能会一直努力要纠正丈夫身上的这些毛病/缺点，但她应该要以耐心，带着爱，存心忍耐把这些问题存放在自己心裡面。箴言31是圣经中有关于敬虔女人的特别篇章。这裡是一节要牢记在心的经文“她开口就发智慧，她舌上有仁慈的法则。”（箴言31:26)
在此，有个经常会犯的致命错误。那就是妻子们口误遮拦，愚昧的彼此之间谈各自丈夫的种种失败。有时他们甚至会与其他男士谈论丈夫的某一个过失，却忘记了‘爱能遮掩一切的过犯’这事实。这个正在听她谈论自己丈夫缺点的男人可能心裡纳闷，那个可怜的丈夫在一个背后这样数落她的妻子身上到底看到什麽（价值）。所以妻子这样做只会带来别人的轻看。当你向外談到你家人和你的家庭时，应该谨守你的心和谨慎你的言语。
个人的形象 – 身体的与心灵的
今天，在广告世界裡，鼓吹着美丽就是性感。许多女人接受了这个属世的观点认为美貌能带来婚姻美满，幸福和成功，到后来却发现事实并非如此。一对新人在婚礼誓言结束后，开始生活在一起，真实是怎样的人就显露出来了。再次的，神的话语把它放在透视裡：“艳丽是虚假的，美貌是虚浮的，但敬畏耶和华的妇女，必得称讚”（箴言31:30）
有人说，“情人眼裡出西施”。真正的美丽无法藉着减肥`时髦的衣服`美容化妆或靠世人所说的你需要怎样怎样才会美的任何东西来实现。 “愿主我们上帝的荣美，归于我们身上。愿你树立我们手所作的工;我们手所作的工，愿你坚立。（诗篇90:17）。真正又持久的美不是外在的，而是内在的。你曾遇见过年老却依然彼此热烈相爱的老夫老妻吗？妻子是完全有可能在丈夫眼里持续不断地增加魅力的。岁月可能会夺走她脸颊上的娇豔，可能会改变她音乐般的声音；但是发自内心灵魂的恩慈与爱的表达艺术仍然可以使她在丈夫的眼中全然可爱。但，要做到这一点，她必需要避免所有会冒犯人的行为，凡事都有可爱的`女性温柔的，恩慈的与圣洁的熏陶来做一个不断培养自己生命的人。
所以，这一切都回到了品德性格的问题 – 真实的你。一个良善的妻子只从良善的女人而来，而一个良善的女人只有从敬虔的基督徒女人而来。婚姻生活放了很大的要求在丈夫与妻子的身上。这是一个严格的操练,在（婚姻的操练）裡面含有极高的价值。一个妻子的责任义务是这样，没有女人能达到，除非她是一基督徒。试炼与困惑，反对与失望，哀伤需要关怀，这些的发生，除非耶稣基督在心裡，否则这些真是太难以承担了。 让主耶稣住在我们家裡！对每一个为人妻的，让主耶稣做你最知心最熟悉的朋友吧！
Wife – The Heart of the Home
If you are a woman reading this and are trying to understand your role in marriage, please stop right here and open your Bible to Proverbs 31 (read and meditate on verses 10-31). This is a biblical passage that will help you understand your role in marriage. The following is given to help you build on this passage in a practical way, for your understanding of the beautiful relationship God initiated from “the beginning”.
I trust that every woman will understand her value to her future husband. Proverbs 31:10 says that your price to your husband is far above rubies. When a man asks you to be his wife, you have been chosen above all the women on earth. This brings responsibility and opportunity, which the angels of heaven might well covet. She holds in her hands the destiny and the earthly usefulness to her husband and children more fully than she often realizes. You will be – more than anyone or anything – the greatest impact in the future on your husband, children and home. Much of their development and destiny is in your hands. It is often said, “children are a product of the home”. Both parents make their mark in the home, but because of the time and teaching a mother invests in molding the children’s habits, character and thinking, her influence makes a much greater impact (Proverbs 31:28).
The word “Wife” means “weaver”. She is the one that weaves the home into the design and beauty it is intended to be. All of the threads must complement each other, and rely on each other, to express the will of the weaver. A home woven by a Christian wife will express the grace and beauty that reveals the work of the Holy Spirit in all the daily activities. It will be clearly reflective in the lives of her children and her husband. “Her children rise up and bless her; Her husband also, and he praises her, saying, “Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all”. (Proverbs 31:29 NASB)
The home is their palace. Like the Lord Jesus Christ is head of the church and the Holy Spirit is the Ever Present One guiding, influencing, directing, teaching and enforcing rules laid down in the Word, so the wife is like the Holy Spirit in the home. Her influence in all that goes on in the home is just like the work of the Holy Spirit in the church. She leads, teaches, comforts, encourages, gives and understands in order to build her husband and children up in the Faith.
The description of a good wife, which was given by a writer of years past, is “A good wife is Heaven’s last best gift to man, his angel and minister of graces innumerable, his gem of many virtues. Her voice is his sweetest music, her smile his brightest day. Her kiss the guardian of his innocence, her arms the pale of his safety; her industry is his surest wealth. Her economy his safest steward; her lips are his safest counselor, her bosom is the softest pillow of his cares, and her prayer the ablest advocate of Heaven’s blessing upon his head.”
If the above is the ideal wife, maybe questions should be asked before entering into marriage with a man. Because a wife is the heart of the home, a woman should ask herself if she could be all that is required of her to be a godly wife. What kind of woman will you have to be in order to become a good and true wife? Is this the life you desire? Here are some of those requirements to consider in bringing about the fulfillment of God’s design for the wife in a Christian marriage.
Partnership
I use the word in its larger sense. Read again the description of a good woman in Proverbs. “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.” He knows that she is his most wonderful friend and partner, and she is his alone. He knows that she is true to all of his interests and intents; he must show the same for her. She is thoughtful about his needs and plans for the future. She can stand by his side and enhance his dreams. No one can meet his needs and expand his vision, goals, his future and commitments as well as the beautiful wife he married.
Maintaining the Home
It is true that with certain jobs, men and women are equal, but today we find that men and women are in competition for jobs in the marketplace. We should ask ourselves what is the real motivation for this employment? It may be power, money, ego, acceptance, recognition, rights, materialism or many other things, not all of which are right or wrong. They convince themselves that if they go to work for awhile, the increase in income will allow them to have things they need like a better house, a newer car, private education and the list is endless. However, surveys show that when this happens, a couple never quite reaches the standard of living they dreamed of because it advances as their income increases. Once a couple sets their standard of living, based on two incomes, seldom do they return to only one income. By this stage, both have lost sight of clear biblical teaching.
From a biblical viewpoint, is this really God’s intent for a woman, especially while there are children in the home? The Bible says that older women are to “encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands that the Word of God may not be dishonored” (Titus 2:5 NASB).
If the home has priority in our lives as God intended it to have, then the order of the home must be in line with what the Bible teaches. God intended for the wife to find her fulfillment in maintaining the home and children by keeping the house, loving the children and making the home a haven for her family. If she cannot keep house, and cannot learn, or will not, she must get someone who will do it for her. A neat, well-kept house is absolutely indispensable to happy married life.
This may sound unromantic to a young couple, but that doesn’t make it any less true. Many happy marriages have been destroyed by the hectic schedules of both people, especially when floors are not kept clean, meals are not prepared, children are not cared for and odds and ends are not picked up and put into their proper places. The husband comes home from work where organization is mandatory for the success of the business. Each person is required to maintain orderliness and efficiency in their work. If this is important in the market place for success how much more is it necessary for the home to be successful?
The husband may be a very patient man, but when he consistently comes home to a dirty, disorderly household where everything is where it should not be and nothing is where it should be, it quenches the atmosphere and kills the joy of the home. When things are cluttered and untidy, when things are dropped and left where they were last used instead of being put in their proper place, tension is created in the home and soon romance flies out the window.
If, as the wife, you want to keep the love relationship vibrant, make the home a haven of rest for him to escape the pressures of the marketplace, then put yourself in his shoes. How would you want things when you come home? Love and respect must be the cords that bind the relationship together. However proper maintaining of the home will set the atmosphere, whether it builds, or destroys the relationship. Like all relationships, it must have a foundation, and one of the important stones of this foundation is good housekeeping.
Mutual Communications
Communication must flow from each partner, sharing everything and anything. Between a husband and wife, no subject or incident is off-limits. At the same time, anything shared in confidence must be kept in confidence. If this is violated, it will severely damage a basic foundation of trust in the relationship. While she will give her confidence in full to her husband, hiding nothing from him and having no secrecy from him, she will be very careful about her talk concerning her home outside of her home.
At best, men are often dreadfully trying to their wife. He will have faults, which annoy her and sometimes cause her pain. He will fail in this duty or that. A wise wife will never speak of these things outside the home, nor in the home before the children. She will talk only to her husband and to her Savior about them. She may be constantly striving to correct these faults in her husband, but she should be patient, with love, keeping her problem in her own heart. Proverbs 31 is a special chapter in the Bible for the godly woman. Here is a verse to take to heart, “She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness”(verse 26).
Here, sometimes, a fatal mistake is often made. Wives foolishly and glibly chatter to one another about the failures of their respective husbands. Sometimes they even talk to other men about a matter, forgetful of the fact that love will overlook blemishes. The man to whom she is talking about her husband’s faults may be wondering what that poor husband ever saw in a wife who would speak in such a manner, and so she only brings disrespect upon her own head. Guard your heart and your words as you speak to others about your family and home.
Personal Presentation – Physically and Spiritually
Today, in our world of advertising, beauty is sex appeal. Many women have bought into the world’s idea of thinking that beauty will bring marriage, happiness and success, only to discover that it is not true. After the vows are taken and you begin to live together, the real person is revealed. Again, God puts it in perspective, “Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised” (Proverbs 31:30).
Someone has said, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”. Real beauty cannot be achieved by weight loss, stylish clothes, makeup or anything else that the world says you need to be beautiful. “And let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us: and establish thou the work of our hands upon us; yea, the works of our hands establish thou it” (Psalm 90:17). Real and lasting beauty is not external, but internal. Have you ever met an elderly couple who are still madly in love? It is entirely possible for a wife to constantly increase in charm for her husband. The passing years may take the bloom from her cheeks, and the music out of her voice, but the arts of love and of grace in mind and soul may still make her altogether lovely in the eyes of her husband. To do this, however, she will avoid all that is offensive and be a wife who is constantly cultivating her own life with all that is lovely, womanly, gracious and godly.
So it all comes back to the matter of character – the real you. A good wife comes only by being a good woman, and a good woman comes only by being a Godly Christian woman. Married life lays great requirements upon both the husband and the wife. It is a strict discipline and therein lies much of its value. The duties of a wife are such that practically no woman, unless she is a Christian, can meet. Trials and perplexities, crosses and disappointments, sorrows and solicitudes arise, and unless Christ is there in the heart, they are too great to be borne. Let us have Christ in our homes, and to every wife, let Him be your true and familiar friend.