家中的孩子：建造亲情
诗篇137篇第3节说，“儿女是耶和华所赐的产业”。没有任何事能比看见新生婴儿更令人陶醉的了；这是神托付给你的儿女。神将一个庄严的责任交到你们夫妻两人的手中。这是你们要以身作则来教导培育的一个人。没有什么是比听到他们在探索生命时喜乐的欢笑歌唱,和学习生命功课时有时会发出的哭声更美好动听的了。跟据研究报告，对于一个孩子生命的影响，有85%是来自于家庭的。你的家庭是什么样的，孩子就会成为什么样的人。通过你的教导和你的生活方式，孩子将会认识到神和神的话语。很可能，他们的物质世界的和永恆的命运就掌握在你的手裡。因此在你的一生当中，他们必须是在你祷告名单的上端，是你要记得为他们祷告的人。
由于孩子们有他们自己的意志，他们有时后会让父母痛心。他们可能会做出明显是错误的选择，那很可能让你心碎。然而即使他们偏行己路了，你要记住路加福音15章11-24节所记载的浪子回家的故事。故事里的这位父亲肯定是常常彻夜难眠，为儿子祷告的，总是思念儿子到底怎麽样，过得好不好？！这父亲肯定是常常眺望穿门前的路，盼望着儿子回来。而当小儿子回家来后，不等儿子道歉说自己是多麽的对不起，父亲在心底早已经饶恕儿子了。这是真实信仰基督的父母心肠。
有一个故事说到有一个人拆除了他农场裡一座已经有几十年的旧农舍。拆除后的那块地上空空的，什麽都没有，一点不吸引人。到了隔年四月份春天来了，阳光和雨水沐浴了这块农舍曾经坐落的土地。农夫惊讶地发现，有数不尽的花冒出了头来。这些种子显然在一直就埋藏在那裡，但因为缺少雨水和阳光，就没机会成长和开花。在很多的家庭裡面也还埋藏着像这样潜在的，尚未发挥出来的美丽呢！
情感与合一
在我们家裡有一条规定，就是孩子们可以在任何时候来问我们，无论是什麽问题。事实上，我们鼓励孩子们分享，无论是什麽事；并且有权利可以不同意我们所说的话。然而我们一直有这么一个规定，“每一件事情都可以辩论，但并不都是能协商的”。当我的孩子逐渐长大后，这些问答的时刻有时就会带我们进入侃侃陈述圣经真理的讨论。我们知道这是在引发他们思考！那是他们在确认我们全家所相信的,在确认圣经所教导的。我们与孩子有一个相处的原则，那就是当他们想要交谈时，我们随时都停下手上所做的来与他们谈。常常在睡觉前孩子们会提出疑问，也许并不是他们真的想要得一个答桉，而是他们不想睡觉而已。但无论如何，我们总是会善用这些时刻允许他们说，因为如果他们有兴趣要谈，我们就有兴趣聆听。
在家庭中最大的失败之一就是家长不与孩子交谈沟通。这样孩子们常常就到家庭的外面去寻求他们亲近朋友的意见。有时候孩子们所提的问题在家裡得不到答桉，有时候孩子不敢在家里问父母就去问别人。这别人可能不是自己的兄弟或姐妹而是邻舍的男孩女孩，他们很可能给出的是错误的答桉。通常，家庭生活，由于彼此接触频繁和相互间很紧密的这特点，可能导致互相失去兴趣和新鲜感。但孩子们必须明白，他们最好的朋友是他们自己的姐妹和兄弟。朋友来来去去，但家庭是永远的。
我们可以确信，不论外面的朋友与你有多麽亲密，他们永远无法如自己的兄弟姊妹一样的真挚亲密。古老的谚语说 ” 血浓于水 ” 。许多父母也许会认为，家庭里的爱和亲情是一种天生的本能，不需要推动。事实并非如此，父母必须毫无隐藏地表达对孩子的爱。这些牺牲付出，训诫管教，无私与疼爱，为他人着想的过程，同样都将家人的心紧密的针织相连起来。家人的心被针织相连并不代表他们就会有关爱的心，除非在家庭生活中有实际的示范，孩子们得到了清楚的教导模样，才会效彷。当他们听到父母说 ” 对不起 ” ， ” 请你原谅 ” 与” 我爱你 “时 ，这些孩子们永远不会忘记的功课。
一位弟兄应该是他姊妹的守卫与保护者
查尔斯与玛莉.兰姆（Charles and Mary Lamb）的事蹟，是一个经常被人谈起的故事。玛莉在一次精神错乱当中误杀了她的母亲。从那以后，她经常遭受复发暴力精神错乱的折磨。这症状发作前会有前兆预警，当这些症状被确认时，查尔斯和玛丽两人就会一起前往精神院看护所，在那裡，玛丽必须被关禁一段时日。一位他们的朋友说，有次他经过那裡，不期然看见查尔斯查牵着玛莉的手，在疯人病院的林间小径走着，兄妹两人痛苦的流着泪。这是查尔斯所担负的一个试炼，这试炼不是一年或两年，乃是长达35年。一直以来用爱心与耐心照顾妹妹。是的！哥哥应该是妹妹的保护者！
哥哥还有另一种方式来保护妹妹。每一个年轻男人都知道哪些年轻人是心怀不轨`邪恶的年轻人。哥哥是不会袖手旁观看自己纯洁的妹妹与这样的一个不良青年交往的。如果他是一个真实的哥哥，便一定会警告妹妹对方的品德。。… 妹妹在与男生谈恋爱以前，应该先谘询哥哥的意见，告诉哥哥她将与谁建立密切的友谊。同样，兄弟在交女朋友前，若是坦白的私下真诚的与妹妹谈，问妹妹看法的话，那就很好。毕竟女孩了解女孩，而男孩知道男孩。姐妹会知道那个女孩是否真诚/实在，是否值得她兄弟的交往；也能察觉那女孩是否在掩盖自己的真实性格，只是以女人的魅力吸引哥哥。一个实在的妹妹会知道的，并且会告诉哥哥；同样的，一个哥哥也会为妹妹做同样的事情。
姐妹和兄弟该彼此促进纯洁的品德
今天的社会，年轻男孩和女孩所面对的最大挑战，即是保持自身的纯洁。他们听人说，“每个人都在做啊”。。。。你知道吗？那是句谎言！假设我们说“每个人都在吸毒”，这就能造成那件事的正确吗? 不! 绝对不能！对每一位年轻男孩与女孩而言，保持一个纯洁的，道德的生命是很困难，但，这是年轻人必须做的抉择。会有来自各方的压力要逼你在压力之下臣服。但是，上帝对你说，“不要将你们的肢体献给罪作不义的器具．倒要像从死里复活的人、将自己献给 神．并将肢体作义的器具献给 神。” (罗马书 6 : 13)
诱惑的试探在一个年轻男孩身上的，通常比在一个年轻女孩的更微妙，更是强烈。然而，要记住一句很重要的经文，在哥林多前书第10章3节，“你们所遇见的试探，无非是人所能受的； 神是信实的，必不叫你们受试探过于所能受的．在受试探的时候、总要给你们开一条出路、叫你们能忍受得住” 。
每个妹妹都能在这方面帮助弟兄。她可以有行为和态度的榜样为典范，妹妹的纯洁甜美，迷人的美好记忆自然会深深的烙印在哥哥脑海里，成为盾牌与哥哥一起出门，保护着哥哥。当邪恶诱惑他时，他会想起妹妹的圣洁形象，自然而然就讨厌憎恶那些诱惑人的女性。毫无疑问的，这似乎值得每一个女孩努力，努力在她哥哥的生命中具有这样的影响。她可以让美德显得如此吸引人，让哥哥能时常远离罪恶。再棒的夸讚也比不上听到哥哥说他想结婚的对象就是要像妹妹这样品德的女人了。“ 才德的妇人谁能得着呢．她的价值远胜过珍珠．” (箴 31 : 10)
同样的，每个兄弟都应该在姐姐妹妹表现出他优秀，清洁，高尚的男子气概。他的性格和言语以及他基督徒品行的见证，应该是一个明确的准绳，作为姐妹在寻找伴侣的标准。 ” 善人从他心里所存的善、就发出善来．恶人从他心里所存的恶、就发出恶来．因为心里所充满的、口里就说出来。 ” （路加福音6:45）。因此，当她选择丈夫时，哥哥的模范将会引导她去选这样的男人。由于她哥哥的生命表现和高尚的品格，她的理想将会如此高，唯有好品行的人才有希望能够赢得她的芳心;她也因此受到守护。
现今世代我们非常的需要有“护卫者”。许多地方诸如电视，杂志和网络都充斥着色情。其他的很多公共场所，道德标准已经低到灾难的程度了。“弟兄们、我还有未尽的话。凡是真实的、可敬的、公义的、清洁的、可爱的、有美名的．若有甚么德行、若有甚么称赞、这些事你们都要思念。”(腓利比书 4 : 8)。 许多女孩子没有意识到自己的重大责任和巨大机会。一个国家有多麽强可以从其国民女性的地位如何而看出来。男人的成就往往取决于女人如何鞭策他们。我们不想把过重的责任放在女性的肩上；但事实是，家庭裡的姐妹们和女人一般掌握着他们弟兄的命运，远远超过她们自己所意识到的。
故此兄弟姐妹之间应当持守彼此之间的手足之爱和依恋。兄弟姐妹间的感情很容易因为各自的生活被冲澹，比如搬迁，出国，婚后各自家庭的发展，不同的志趣，家庭责任加重等等造成兄弟姐妹之间疏远，难以保持密切温暖坚固的亲情。不过，对于现代的我们而已，建造亲情并不是困难的事。我们可以利用现代的通讯方法，如电子邮件，电话，即时短讯，微信等等…来随时沟通，碰到问题时寻求手足的意见和帮助。应该这样做; 在许多基督徒家庭中，兄弟姐妹之间已经在这样做，积极的联繫沟通了。兄弟姐妹之间，有他们共同的承受的家庭遗传，相互间的祝福和家庭的记忆，手足应当紧密的结合凝聚在一起。家，是一个上帝命定所设立的单位，应当牢固的站立，不仅仅要度过这个世界，而且还要进到一切的永恆。让我们存着彼此宽容，相互帮助的耐心，带着责任感和爱心来生活，这样我们可以更好地为将来在天家的生命做准备。
如果你的家庭关係变得鬆弛了；如果家人之间冷澹，漠不关心，或误会批评已悄悄的渗入你们之间原本亲密的关係了，那么我很诚恳的催促你，尽你所能的，修护与家人之间的关系。打一个电话，写一封信，或是发一封电子邮件，就是修补这亲情的第一步。你愿意试试吗？
Children in the Home – Building Bonds
“Children are a heritage from the Lord” (Psalms 127:3). Nothing is more thrilling than to look upon a newborn baby, which God has entrusted to you. It is an awesome responsibility that God has placed in your hands as husband and wife. This is a person you will teach and mold by example. Nothing is more wonderful than to hear them laughing, singing, and sometimes crying as they learn the joys and lessons of life. Studies have revealed that 85% percent of the influence on a child’s life comes from the home. They will be what your home is. They will be introduced to God and His word, both by your teaching and by your lifestyle. Most likely their physical and eternal destiny lies in your hands. Throughout your life, they must be at the top of your daily prayer list.
There are also heartaches because children have a will. They may make choices that are clearly wrong. It may break your heart. However, should they go astray, remember the story of the prodigal son in Luke 15:11-24. Surely the father spent many sleepless nights praying and wondering about his boy. He was always looking down the road for his son to return to his house. When he returned, forgiveness was in the heart of his father who would not even let his son finish telling how sorry he was. That is the heart of a true Christian parent.
The story is told of a man who tore down one of his farm buildings that stood for more than twenty years. It left a bare, unattractive spot, but as April came and the sun and rain fell upon the place where the building had stood, the owner was surprised to find innumerable flowers springing up. These seeds had evidently been there all the time, but lack of rain and sun had prevented their growth and blossom. Many homes have in them just such possibilities of undeveloped beauty.
Affection and Oneness
We had a policy in our home that the children could ask any question, at any time, they wanted to. In fact, we encouraged them to share anything, and they had a right to disagree with things that we said. However, we always had this policy, “Everything is debatable, but not always negotiable”. As my children grew older, these times led to great biblical discussions. We knew this was making them think! It was confirming to them what we believed and what the Bible taught. We always had a policy with our children that if the they wanted to talk, we were ready to talk. Often at bedtime they had a question, maybe not that they really wanted an answer, but rather did not want to go to sleep. However, we always used this time, because if they were interested in talking, we were interested in listening.
One of the greatest failures in homes is that parents do not communicate with their children. Too often, brothers and sisters go outside the home and seek advice from their closest friends. Sometimes they ask questions that are not being answered at home, or are afraid to ask in the home. The friend may not be one’s brother or sister, but a neighborhood boy or girl who may give wrong answers. The reason for this may be obvious. Often the family life, by its very character of close and almost constant association, may tend to lose a bit of its interest and freshness. Children must understand that their best friends are their own sisters and brothers. Friends come and go, but family is forever. We can be assured that no matter how close a relationship is between friends outside the home, that they can never be as true and close of the relationships between brothers and sisters. “Blood is thicker than water,” runs the old proverb. Many parents may think that family love and affection is a kind of instinct and does not need development. Nothing could be further from the truth. The parents must openly demonstrate it. The same process of sacrifice, discipline, unselfishness and loving consideration of others knits hearts to hearts in the home. Just because hearts are knitted together does not mean they will necessarily be loving hearts, unless there is a demonstration and example clearly taught and lived in the home. Hearing the words of the father and mother saying, “I’m sorry,” “Forgive me,” and “I love you” are lessons they will never forget.
A Brother Should Be a Guard and Defender to His Sister
The story of Charles and Mary Lamb is a familiar story that has often been told. In a sudden fit of insanity, the sister took the life of her own mother. From that time on, she was subject to recurring fits of violent insanity. There were premonitory symptoms, and when these were discerned, Charles and Mary would go, hand in hand, to the asylum, where for a time, she must be confined. One of their friends tells how he suddenly came upon Charles and Mary who were weeping bitterly as they walked hand in hand down the little woodland path to the madhouse. This was a trial that Charles Lamb bore, not for one or two years, but for thirty-five years – all of the time in love and patience. Yes! a brother is to be the protector of his sister!
There is another way in which he will protect her. Every young man knows the young men who are impure and wicked. He will not stand by and see such a young man become the companion of his pure sister. He will, if he is a true brother, warn her of the other man’s character. A sister will do well to heed and seek a brother’s counsel about the men with whom she would form close friendships. Likewise, a brother will do well to talk confidentially and frankly with his sister about the young women with whom he is considering dating. Girls know girls and boys know boys. A sister will know if a girl is true and worthy of her brother’s consideration or if she is covering up her true character in a female seduction of him. A true sister will know and tell her brother these things, and the brother will do likewise for his sister.
A Sister & Brother Will Be an Inspiration of Purity and Virtue to Each Other
The greatest challenge a young man or woman faces today is keeping them selves pure. They hear, “everyone is doing it”. That is a lie! Let’s suppose we say everyone is taking drugs. Does that make it right. No! A pure, moral life is hard for every young man and women to keep, however, it is a choice they must make. There is pressure on every side to yield. God says, “Neither yield ye your members as instruments of unrighteousness unto sin: but yield yourselves unto God, as those that are alive from the dead, and your members as instruments of righteousness unto God” (Romans 6:13).
Temptations tests a young man, often more subtly and powerfully than it does a young woman. However, a great verse to memorize is I Corinthians 10:13. “There hath no temptation taken you but such as is common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it.”
Every sister has an opportunity to be helpful here! She can be an example in actions and attitude, so pure and sweetly attractive, that the memory of her character will go with her brother out into the world and serve him as a shield of defense. When evil tempts him, the thoughts of his sister will rise up as an example before him, bringing sheer disgust and loathing for the temptress. Surely it would seem to be worthwhile for every girl to seek to have this abiding influence in her brother’s life. She can make virtue so attractive that he will always be repelled by vice. She could have no higher compliment than for a brother to say that he wants to marry someone with character like his sister. “Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies” (Proverbs 31:10).
Every brother should set before his sister the example of fine, clean, noble manhood. His character and language, along with his Christian testimony, should be a clear guideline as to the standard that she is looking for in a man. “A good man out of the good treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is good; and an evil man out of the evil treasure of his heart bringeth forth that which is evil: for of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaketh” (Luke 6:45). Therefore, his example will guide her when she chooses a husband. Because of the life and character of her brother, her ideals will be so high that none but the most worthy may hope to win her; so will she be safeguarded.
The word “safeguard” is greatly needed today. Standards in many places such as on television, magazines and the Internet are riddled with pornography. Many other public venues are disastrously low in regard to moral things. “Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things” (Philippians 4:8). Many girls fail to realize their great opportunity and responsibility. A nation never rises any higher than its women, and men are only as good as women compel them to be. We don’t want to put an undue weight of responsibility upon the shoulders of women, however, the fact is that sisters in the home and women in general hold in their hands the destinies of their brothers and other young men far more than they often realize.
Brothers and sisters should preserve their mutual love and attachment through the years. It is easy to drift apart. Change of residence from one part of the country to another, together with the growth of families and diverging interests and responsibilities make it difficult to keep the their ties close, warm and firm. However, It can be done. We have means of instant communications like no other time in history, emails, phones and instant messaging. If there is a question, either should feel free to ask for counsel. It should be done; and in many Christian families it is being done. Brothers and sisters, with their common heritage, their mutual blessings and memories of home should bond together. The family is a God-ordained unit and will stand not only through this world, but also through all eternity. Let us then live with a sense of responsibility and love with mutual patience and helpfulness, that we may be better prepared for the life there.
If your family ties have become lax, if coldness and indifference, or misunderstanding and criticism, have crept into your relationships that were once close and, I strongly admonish you to do what you can to restore the relationship. A phone call, written letter or email may be the first step toward the restoration of the old ties. Think about this.