Dealing with family and marital problems

We have received a number of counseling calls and letters on the subject of the family and marital relationships. It is surprising how many families are experiencing difficulty in one area or another. Some are having financial problems, communication problems, or other types of trouble.

It is amazing how many families do not have a financial budget, or have an unrealistic budget. In this day, when we have organizations like Christian Financial Concepts, it is hard to understand why couples do not avail themselves of some financial planning tools. Jesus said, in Luke 14:28, “For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it?” When more couples break their marriage vows over finances than over any other problem, it is courting disaster not to plan the family finances properly.

A number of other couples face problems in their marriages over infidelity. These are very difficult to counsel, since we rarely hear both sides of the story. It may be the wife who complains that her husband is seeing another woman, or a husband that says his wife is finding her completion in another person. The Bible says in Proverbs 5:15, “Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well.” If his own well has fresh, clean water, and his thirst is quenched at that well, he does not seek to drink from another well. A wife who is loved as she should be according to Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” will find it easy to return that love in a way that keeps her husband drinking at her well.

Unfortunately, both of these problems which wreck homes, could be solved by more communication between husband and wife. In some homes, though, as soon as either partner starts talking finances or marital relations, the other partner becomes defensive and the battle begins. I try to suggest that the two agree before the discussion begins that both are entering into the discussion to find solutions, not faults. Avoid trying to think of a comeback to each statement by your mate, and be ready to admit and confess your shortcomings in the interest of finding a solution to your problem. Take time to pray together, and ask your Heavenly Father for His direction. Remember that He established marriage, and declared it a good thing for a man and a woman to live together in marriage. It is His plan, and we need His direction to carry it out.

To hear more about this topic go to: 202 Marriage and Divorce

2 replies
  1. Carl
    Carl says:

    My wife and I have had a rough marriage for many years. We are beginning to separate in the home. How do I win my wife back permanently for a Christ centered home with the husband being the lead and the wife following her role.

    Reply
    • BBN
      BBN says:

      Bro. Carl,

      Thanks for asking. It seems you have already taken a good first step in seeing your marriage become what it should be, and that is admitting there is a problem. You also are on the right track in desiring a Christ-centered marriage since that is the Lord’s desire as well. Scripture teaches us that God’s goal for us as individuals is to remake us into the image of Christ (Romans 8:28-30; 2 Corinthians 3:18) and the marriage bond is also designed for 2 believers to come together for life to mirror the image of Christ as well. (Eph.5:18-33) In the Ephesians 5 passage, Paul carefully shows us what that looks like in daily life, and you are right that the husband and wife both play their respective roles under the loving hand of Christ who indwells you both. The requirements for you both are simple as well as impossible! The impossible part is on your own, Christ Himself must make it happen and it is His will and desire to do so as we learn to let Him. The husband is to love his wife, and here is the standard: as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it. Once a man has decided to let Christ accomplish that in his life, the wife’s role of submitting to such sacrificial love becomes not only possible but providential! We offer an excellent course by which you both will benefit studying together in our free Bible Institute at http://www.bbnbi.org, which is course number 20300, Love in the Home. We are praying for you as well.

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