Keeping love alive in marriage

Since our occupations can take one fourth of our week, or one third of each week day, without figuring overtime or that part time work, it must be reckoned within our effort to keep love in the home. I feel that there are certain signs that will help us keep the love fire burning brightly in the home.

“No Dumping Allowed” read the sign on an attractive piece of property that was starting to show the signs of neglect. Some thoughtless persons had discarded trash, and that made it difficult or impossible for the owner to keep the landscape neat. Many times the working partner or partners in a marriage use the home and their mate for a dumping ground. Problems and frustrations on the job find a resting place in the home, but they clutter it up and make keeping love alive and attractive impossible. While there should be a sharing of ideas and communication in the home, don’t use your mate for a garbage pit.

“Private Property, No Hunting Allowed” were words on another sign I observed on a wooded lot. Its owner knew that it was home to some creatures that others would want, and he was going to protect them and himself by posting the land. There needs to be an intimacy in marriage that is private and peculiar to the spouses alone. I am not talking just about sexual privacy, but also spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and physical intimacy. Paul told the Corinthians that there was to be a sharing in the marriage that would keep the partners hunting on their own property and would forbid others from encroaching on that hunting ground. (I Cor. 7:1-9) Proverbs 31:11 says that the heart of a husband can trust the virtuous wife, and he has no need for spoil or extramarital affairs. If your spouse is not your best friend and confidant, you are headed to the spoil – it is only a matter of time.

The ad in the newspaper read, “Attractive car, Well kept.” We too should realize that our spouses attracted us, and we attracted them. Reserve those attractions for each other, and remember what they are. So many times a wife will say to her husband, “You never date me any more like you did before we were married.” He probably counters with, “And you don’t fix those cookies you used to bake either.” From here it can get nasty, as his waistline comes into the discussion, and her physical appearance gets noticed. My wife reserves her first minutes on awaking to two important areas of her life, and mine. She spends time on her physical appearance and she spends time with the Lord, working on her spiritual life. Any wonder that I still count myself fortunate to be able to date her after 44 years of marriage?

In the classified, I found a little ad describing a “Time-share.” This is an arrangement by which many can enjoy the features of a piece of property, because each respects the others’ interest in it. We, too, need to share our time and interests. There should be things that couples do together, and there should be time for things that only one wants to do. My wife is artistic and enjoys crafts, sewing, etc. While I know men who crochet, knit, and sew, and do it well, that is not my thing. She needs time for that, but we spend time together while she does what interests her, and I enjoy my time on the computer, or reading the newspaper. We also share many interests, and we spend time together doing them. A hobby I enjoyed and plan to enjoy again soon is model railroading. My wife makes excellent model buildings from scratch, and we enjoy working on our projects together. Since a marriage puts together two people with different backgrounds, there will be unique interests and talents, and there should be time to develop them.

Above all, there must be a time together with the Lord. For a long time I struggled with the idea of leading that time, but as a husband it is my duty and privilege to make sure that we pray together each day. Even as the sides of a triangle come closer together as they reach the top, so the two of us come closer together as we approach the Lord together. The family that prays together does stay together.

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2 replies
  1. Carl
    Carl says:

    How do I get my marriage going in the right direction? I have caused my marriage to be unconnected with my wife. We both are growing in the Lord, but we are not connected as a couple.

    • BBN
      BBN says:


      Your first question regarding your marriage is closely linked with this one. Again, you are starting out right in seeking to make corrections in your marriage, in that you are not only admitting the problem but also your responsibility in it. Simply going to the Lord and then your wife and pouring out your heart will be a key in allowing the Lord to strengthen the bond between you, since you said you are both already growing in the Lord. An old illustration i do not remember where I first heard is helpful as well. A marriage where both spouses are believers is designed to be a love triangle as we see ourselves at the bottom 2 points and the Lord Jesus at the top point. The closer we grow to Him, realizing that we are called to mirror His image in marriage, the closer we’ll come to Him. In this way, our growth is not only in Him, but in Him as a couple.

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