The idols are different but the results are the same

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“The idols are different but the results are the same.”

The “worship wars” are beating the drums throughout the church today. This isn’t new. Repeatedly in the Old Testament God judged His people for false worship. Exodus 32 says they were punished for both worshipping a false god and worshipping God falsely. In John 4, Jesus shared with the woman at the well the true principles of worship. It was not the physical location, but rather the spiritual condition of the person.

In all the “worship wars,” music is the battleground. Many church services begin with a long period of “praise and worship,” as if this is worship, and the rest of the service is something else. This is not new. In Exodus 32:4-6, Israel had come to the place where God was going to personally give them His Word. They missed it. Their self-appointed “worship leader” made a golden calf, called it god, rocked out the music, added dancing and eventually immorality, and called it worship. This led the people into God’s judgment. It was an abomination to God. Does this have any of the contemporary flavor? Can it be found in this “worship war” of music and dance today? Aaron (the first worship leader) led the people in dance and music to worship in Egypt’s style and turned their hearts from the eternal God to Egypt’s golden idol. The idols are different, but the results are the same. The absence of the leader opened the door to perverted worship. Perhaps this should be a warning to the leadership in the church today. Maybe there is cause for alarm.

Ron Owens in his book, Return To Worship, talks of “the rise of the chorus and the death of the hymn.” We are stealing from this generation our greatest heritage and our greatest teaching tool. Martin Luther used the power of hymns as he sent out singing groups to teach the people doctrine (Colossians 3:16) which played a great part in the Reformation. We still sing his great hymns 500 years later.

Isaac Watts wrote 875 hymns 250 years ago. Many, like “When I Survey The Wondrous Cross,”are in our hymnals. Charles Wesley gave us hundreds of hymns, like “O For A Thousand Tongues To Sing.” John Newton, the converted slave trader, gave us “Amazing Grace.” The longevity of these hymns in the Church has been the bedrock of much of the indelible learning of doctrine. Yes, there have been many hymns written in the past hundred years that are wonderful as well. The great concern is that a pastor or worship leader may close the hymn book and steal our greatest tool for teaching the Truth to the next generation. Can we sing some choruses? Of course, we can. But it is like serving the appetizer and forgetting the main course if we neglect the hymns. In time, we will find a famine in the land for the Word of God.

This is one reason BBN shares the great hymns daily. It will nourish you because it is God’s will as seen in Ephesians 5:17-20. It is the will of the Lord to sing hymns.

– Lowell Davey, President of BBN

For more about this topic visit BBN BI and take the course 50300 Study of Music

Is Contemporary Christian Music A Cultural Thing?

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Before there can be a discussion about whether or not anything belongs to a particular culture, we must come to an understanding of what culture is. According to Webster’s Dictionary, culture comes from the Latin cultura or the French colere and means “to cultivate” or “the characteristic features and values of a civilization or group of people.” Culture is the practice of what we believe.

If we apply this definition to those who are members of the Body of Christ, particularly those who believe and practice the Word of God, there must be Christian Culture. God has allowed me in the more than 50 years of my ministry to travel and minister in more than 35 countries, and I have found that wherever I go, Bible-believing Christians have similar standards.

Why is this true? Because the Bible teaches that there are principles of life that all Christians are to follow. In Ephesians 4:22, we learn that we are to “put off concerning the former conversation the old man, which is corrupt.” And Philippians 1:27 instructs us to let our “conversation be as it becometh the gospel of Christ.” Any Bible scholar will verify the fact that the word, “anastrofhn,” translated “conversation” in the KJV, means a way of life or by our definition, culture. This is because those who love the Lord and believe His Word are to adopt and practice a way of life that very practically becomes what can be called Christian Culture.

God is unchangeable, His principles of right are always the same, and they will never pass away. In His Word He has given us the principles of “a way of life” (culture) that will never change and must be applied to every area of life, including music.

How does this apply to Contemporary Christian Music? Any observer of the culture that accompanies much of CCM must admit that the lifestyle, the language, the attitude, the lack of separation and musical standards, all fall far short of what the Bible requires of those who believe “the gospel of Christ.” Even those who are involved in this genre recognize the power of CCM to control the culture of those who adhere to it. For instance, Michael Hamilton in writing for Christianity Today says: “When one chooses a musical style today, one is making a statement about whom one identifies with, what one’s values are, and ultimately who one is.”

Edward Rothstein, chief critic for the New York Times, writes that a musical style “suggests ways to think. A style even defines a musical community – a group with shared notions about music and its purpose… The shared style allows for musical communication without misunderstanding.” What both of these authors are clearly describing, perhaps without realizing it, is the culture of CCM.

It is significant to note that as World magazine reports: “Secular media companies… swallowed up more than 90 percent of Christian recording labels in the 1990’s.” If the world adopts it as their own, there must be something un-Christian about it that allows the world to embrace it. As Cal Thomas, in talking about the problems Christians face in the political realm, has pointed out in his insightful book, Blinded by Might, whenever we try to marry Christianity and the world, Christianity always loses. He says that “we try… to usher in a kingdom not of this world by using tools that are of this world,” and it doesn’t accomplish the goal that it is supposed to be seeking.

But, the CCM proponents protest, we are just using POP music to get the message of the gospel out to the world. What they fail to recognize is what communication experts like Neil Postman of New York University states in his book, Amusing Ourselves to Death: “The form in which ideas are expressed affects what those ideas will be.” He elucidates this idea even further when he says: “It is naive to think that something that has been expressed in one form can be expressed in another without significantly changing its meaning, texture, or value.” To apply this truth to CCM means that even Bible words change their meaning when they are set to today’s POP or rock music, thus changing God’s gospel into “another gospel.” As Galatians 1:7 says, they “pervert the gospel of Christ.” Probably without recognizing that what he was saying came from this Scripture, Robert Shaw said: “I don’t know if the church today understands the music being brought into the church. The people don’t understand the music… it’s perverse.”

Even Newsweek magazine, after noting that at CCM festivals they have “gansta-style rhymes about the Lord,” and that “the kids have the option to visit the prayer area if they’re not moshing,” comments: “Maybe the mainstreaming of Christianity has gone too far.” Evidently this worldly magazine recognizes that the culture of CCM and the culture of Christianity don’t belong together.

I have heard a number of missionaries say: “But we don’t want to impose American culture on the culture in the country where we minister.” And I couldn’t agree more! American culture is not worth much. In fact, many other countries are experiencing the same problems America is having because our country is exporting the basest areas of its culture to other countries through its movies and music. But there is Christian culture, and we do need to proclaim the Biblical principles that will lead to adoption of Biblical standards to every country in the world.

To spread the culture of CCM will only lead to an anemic, counterfeit Christianity that Steve Camp says “yodels as a Christless, watered-down, God-as-my-girlfriend kind of thing.” To paraphrase Vance Havner, an old-time evangelist: “If CCM is the light of the world, why is everything so dark?” Several CCM recordings have sold in the millions and, according to Newsweek magazine, the over-all “Christian entertainment business is a 3 billion dollar industry.” To paraphrase Vance Havner again: “If CCM is the salt of the earth, why is everything so corrupt?” I believe the problem is that the culture of CCM is not the culture, the way of life, that the Bible teaches ought to be characteristic of Christians.

But I can almost hear someone saying: “Why make a blanket condemnation of CCM? It isn’t all bad. It may be insipid and not have much content, but it isn’t all that bad.” This also relates to culture, because the worst thing that a church or a Christian organization can have is a mixture of error and truth. It would be better to go to a secular school than to go to one that claims to be Christian and then teaches evolution. It would be better to go to a secular psychologist than to go to one who prays with you and then gives you Freudian psychology. And it would be better to go to a church that you know doesn’t teach the Bible than to go to one that still preaches the Bible but then allows worldly practices to be a part of its ministry. The “Christian culture” that mixes truth and error is the worst one of all because of its inconsistency and compromise, and CCM is just such a culture.

Without realizing it, Time magazine in a special issue titled Music Goes Global, revealed one of the main problems Bible-believing Christians should have with today’s POP music, especially Christian POP which is what CCM is. This magazine says: “Musicians are rocking old traditions. Your world will never be the same…The we-are-the-world maxim is this: music is the universal language.” In other words, POP music will be one of the main vehicles the devil uses to help establish a one-world church. Could it be that the devil is promoting CCM to try to accomplish his anti-Christian goals for the world? It is certainly uniting believers and unbelievers in some strange alliances. And as John Makujina has so succinctly said in his book, Measuring the Music: “Anyone who attempts to battle CCM today will be facing not just a Goliath, but a Goliath on steroids.”

Is CCM a cultural thing? Absolutely! But I believe it is promoting the wrong culture, not the one that Philippians 1:27 says is worthy of the gospel of Christ.

– Frank Garlock, Founder and President of Majesty Music, Inc.

Contact Majesty Music for Dr. Garlock to speak at your church by calling:
1-800-334-1071
or write to:
Majesty Music
PO Box 6524
Greenville, SC 29606

Contemporary or Contaminated

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Today’s Church Music Scene:
Contemporary or Contaminated

During graduate school, my Music Theory professor made this statement: “What you hear today in the music of the world, you will hear in the church within twenty years.”

Think about that statement as you listen to the music in local churches today. More importantly, think about the music of today’s world, and then picture this music in the church within twenty years.

Where are we now in church music? And tell me, where are we going?

As a former minister of music, and now as an owner / teacher in a school of music, I believe the trends that have developed in church music support my professor’s statement.

For example, two months ago my wife and I visited a nearby local church, which has three morning services. We arrived early for the second service and entered as the praise band was playing the offertory at the end of the first service. We could have heard the same music at a Bourbon Street jazz club.

We left that church before the second service began and drove to a church where we thought, at least by name and denomination, we would find a more traditional service. Again we arrived early. At this church, a drummer with electric drums and a pianist with a synthesizer were playing the Blues. This continued for about ten minutes, and then the other members of the “orchestra” entered, joining the Blues one at a time. Finally, the choir came in and physically joined the “swing and sway” as the tempo and volume increased.

After the pastor presented the Call to Worship and prayed, the choir sang a beautiful, recently written anthem, which they performed excellently. Then came the “praise time,” for which we stood 25 minutes, and 40% of the congregation sang and swayed to chorus after chorus, none of which I had ever heard. As I stood, I wondered if the other 60% of the congregation felt as I felt … left out, a stranger in the worship experience. And furthermore, this church publicly declared in the service and stated in their worship folder that visitors and guests were warmly welcomed.

Is this typical? Is this where we are in church music today? With sadness, I believe it is. Because of our ministry of teaching, we visit many local churches. It seems that most are the same, whether associated with a denomination or independent of one. Church music mimics and often exceeds the musical sounds of the world.

I am calling concerned and thinking Christians to action! We should not accept this style of music and worship without prayerfully and kindly letting our concerns, desires, and thoughts be known to our pastors, worship leaders (as ministers of music are now called), lay leaders, and those at the helm of our denominations. We may face careless responses, such as: “This is the way we are going. If you don’t like it, go somewhere else!” But regardless, we should let our concerns and desires be known.

Many church leaders believe this is the only type of music that will reach people. I really wonder about that. Where will we be in the future if we are fed a steady diet of this style of music and worship?

Please hear me, I’m not advocating that we discard all things contemporary. There is nothing wrong with a good, quality contemporary song. Just because the song was written recently doesn’t mean we shouldn’t use it. But there has also been much good, quality music written earlier than recently, and it shouldn’t be discarded either, simply because it isn’t current.

My wife’s recent experience with one of her piano students is worth repeating. During a lesson with this fine student (who is faithful in her church youth and music programs), my wife recommended some piano arrangements she thought would contribute to the church’s music ministry. As my wife mentioned songs like Count Your Blessings, Showers of Blessings, He Touched Me, and Glorify Thy Name, the student confessed that she didn’t know the songs. How sad that, in many churches, we are not taught the standard hymns and gospel songs that have such meaning. We all need to know good, quality church music, whether old or new.

Many Christian radio and television networks and stations also have embraced this style of worship. I am thankful that some have not. My experience tells me that the music and programming on radio and television will eventually find its way into the local church. Could it be that broadcasters and even music writers and publishers bear part of the responsibility for what is happening today in church music?

A few days ago, I watched a telecast on a well-known Christian television network. A “prophet” was there with his band. With his style on the piano, plus the rhythm and sounds of the band and choir, I saw intelligent and educated people moved to a trance-like state by the power of the music. There was little, if any, Biblical content in the 35 to 40-minute segment I watched.

Tell me, where are we going?

My heart is broken when I see an emphasis on style and method, rather than Biblical teaching in church ministries and certainly in music programs.
I fear that, rather than being contemporary, we are being contaminated.

“Even in the case of lifeless things that make sounds, such as the flute or harp, how will anyone know what tune is being played unless there is a distinction in the notes? Again, if the trumpet does not sound a clear call, who will get ready for battle?”
1 Corinthians 14:7 & 8

– J. LaVerne Smith
Verne and his wife, Jeannie, have great experience and talent in the field of music. For many years Verne was a minister of music in churches. They also have traveled doing music programs in churches and special meetings across the country.
Verne joined BBN as the manager of our radio station in the Tampa, FL area. We often play some of Jeannie’s piano renditions on BBN. He and Jeannie were a blessing to many as they ministered in churches sharing the ministry of BBN. They have left BBN and have opened a school of music in Clermont, FL to share their God given talents and philosophy of quality music.

Why does BBN invest in overseas radio when there are so many areas of America that do not have good Christian radio?

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Why does BBN invest in overseas radio when there are so many areas of America that do not have good Christian radio?

Very often we are asked this question. Usually, the part of the country that is mentioned is an area where a family member or good friend lives. It may also come from someone who has traveled through the coverage area of one of our BBN radio stations.

We are very well aware of the spiritual famine in New England and in other parts of the USA. We have looked at virtually every open door in radio that has been opened in the US in the past 20 years. As you may know, we purchased our first station in New England just over a year ago, WYFP in the Portland, Maine area. We hope this will only be the beachhead for New England. We also plan to keep looking for opportunities in other parts of the country.

However, when we look at investing the Lord’s finances in new outreaches, we have to consider the stewardship factor. For example, many of the open doors that we turned down, would have cost us $2.00 to $3.00 or more per person in the potential audience. Stations we have purchased in the United States have cost about 25 to 30 cents per person in the potential audience. In Central and South America, our investments have been in the range of 2 to 3 cents per person in the potential audience. Naturally, we have selected the better investments, taking into account that many of these foreign investments are in areas that have no credible gospel witness.

Our Savior’s order to His disciples about world evangelization states, “But ye shall receive power, after that the Holy Ghost is come upon you: and ye shall be witnesses unto me both in Jerusalem, and in all Judea, and in Samaria, and unto the uttermost part of the earth.” Acts 1:8. It is not, “Jerusalem, or in all Judea, or in Samaria, or unto the uttermost part of the earth.” It is not even, “Jerusalem, then Judea, then Samaria, then the world.” Our vision must be complete, to those close at hand, and to all the world.

Pray for us to have the wisdom from the Lord to know where He would have us invest His resources that He has committed to us.

What Is Faith Promise giving?

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The Christian life is not made up of keeping laws to obtain salvation. We are told that we are not saved by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy. The Galatians were asked, “This only would I learn of you, Received ye the Spirit by the works of the law, or by the hearing of faith? Are ye so foolish? having begun in the Spirit, are ye now made perfect by the flesh?” (Galatians 3:2,3) The Apostle Paul said, “I am crucified with Christ, nevertheless I live, yet not I, but Christ liveth within me, and the life that I now live in the flesh, I live by the faith of the Son of God, Who loved me and gave Himself for me.” (Galatians 2:20) “I live by faith,” he said.

How can we live by faith and give by law? Yet, many Christians do just that. While we realize that salvation can never come to us by keeping the law, we practice law giving by keeping the Old Testament law on giving. Paul said, “We walk by faith, and not by sight.” We practice sight giving, not faith giving. Sight giving involves giving from a resource that I can see. For example, we tell God, “Put some money in my hand, and I will give part of it back to you.” This was the giving of the Old Testament. It involved tithing, which is giving a tenth of what you have or receive. The tithe was required giving.

Since all of the Christian life is to be one of faith, it follows that the giving principle taught in the New Testament would be one of faith, as well. We are to give as God has prospered us, First Corinthians 16:2. we are also to give by faith, anticipating God supplying our need, both for what we will give, and for what we need.

Paul taught the Philippians that God would supply all of their need, because they had met Paul’s need through faith giving. In Philippians 4:10-19, Paul tells the believers at Philippi that God would supply their need, since they had given to supply Paul’s need along with his co-worker’s need. They had given out of a resource that they needed, trusting that God would meet their need.

The churches in Macedonia gave up to their potential and beyond, by faith. They, though in extreme poverty, gave beyond what would have been possible from their resources. They gave what they did not have. (Second Corinthians 8:2) They gave by faith.

“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things unseen.” (Hebrews 11:1) We are also told that “without faith it is impossible to please Him: for He that cometh to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of them that diligently seek Him.” Thus, sight giving, as noble as it might be, does not please God as does faith giving. The believer is showing his trust in God by giving what he does not have the power to give in and of himself. Faith sees the invisible, gives the impossible, and trusts God to supply the need.

Faith giving is not in response to a command to give. Tithing was not an option with Israel, it was a command: “Bring ye all the tithes into the storehouse” was an order from the Lord. Faith giving, on the other hand, is to be the activity of a heart of love toward the Lord. Paul told the Corinthians “But just as you excel in everything– in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in complete earnestness and in your love for us–see that you also excel in this grace of giving. I am not commanding you, but I want to test the sincerity of your love by comparing it with the earnestness of others. For you know the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ, that though he was rich, yet for your sakes he became poor, so that you through his poverty might become rich.” (Second Corinthians 8:7-9 NIV)

Just as Christ willingly, lovingly gave Himself for us, that He might redeem us by His death on our behalf, we are to give willingly, lovingly that which we have as a test of our love. It is not to be given as a demonstration of our love toward those who are the recipients of our giving, but our love for the Lord. All giving that is true faith giving must be given to the Lord, and not to man. Our love and our giving must be first vertical, toward God, and at His direction, toward man.

This is the reason that we mention Faith Promises in our Share-a-thons at BBN. The promise of faith is between the believer and God, not between the listener and BBN. The transaction is a vertical one between a Christian and His God, and the reward comes from Heaven to the giver. Jesus promised, “Give, and it shall be given unto you; good measure, pressed down, and shaken together, and running over, shall men give into your bosom. For with the same measure that ye mete withal it shall be measured to you again.” (Luke 6:38)

Who is responsible for the education of my children?

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In Deuteronomy, Chapter 6, we find God giving to Israel the greatest commandment. The first three verses give the primary responsibility of man toward his God, the duty to love the Lord with his entire being. This is followed by the commandment to teach this to the next generation. The Jews call this passage the “Shema” and have made a covenant to hear or read this passage twice a day. It is that important to devout Jews.

This passage teaches that the parents are to teach their children the doctrines of their faith and the reasons for believing them. They are to be taught diligently to the children, by the parents. “And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children, and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up. And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes. And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house, and on thy gates.” (Deuteronomy 6:7-9)

Notice two things about this passage. It is not a suggestion given for man’s consideration. It is a command from the God of the universe. Second, the command is not given to a government or village of people. It is given to the parents of the children. A responsibility given to parents may not be passed on to anyone else without God’s permission. A study of the Bible does not release the parents from this responsibility. It will be the parents who will give account to God for what they have done with the children committed to their trust by a Holy God! God will hold the parents responsible for their receiving an education that leaves God out.

For many years, the parents in the home taught the children. Long before the term “homeschooling” was first used, the education of children was done in the home. Later, parents felt that someone with more education should do the teaching, so they paid tuition for private schools or educated their children in schools sponsored and run by churches. Private or parochial schools provided God-centered education that was watched over by the parents of the students.

The Pilgrims left England to get away from religious persecution and made their home in Holland. They soon found that they had to leave Holland, where they had been given religious freedom but not the right to educate their children themselves. They knew that their children would lose their faith if they were educated in the schools of Holland. They sailed to America, endured the hardships of life in a new country, and suffered greatly to guarantee a Christian education for their children.

Many of the institutions of learning in America began as God-centered educational institutions. The first 100 institutions of higher learning in America were founded as Christian schools; some to train missionaries and pastors.

Soon, however, a need became evident for schools to train the children of those who did not have enough money to afford the private or parochial schools. “pauper schools” were founded to provide schooling for these children. These were funded either by townships, or counties, or by churches. Before long, Christians resented paying for the education of their own children while having to pay for the education of children in the “pauper schools.” They insisted that their children should receive a “free education” like the others. “Pauper schools” became “public schools,” and the curriculum was determined so that no particular religion would be presented. Today, we see the end result of that program.

The question for the Christian parent is, “How do we carry out God’s command regarding the education of our children?” For some, the answer is clearly homeschooling. Several educational institutions have provided all the tools necessary for a parent to provide a good education right in the home. For others, the answer may be seeking the help of a Christian school. Many fine learning institutions provide a Christ-centered education with good academics.

There may be some that will need to have their children in public schools. Perhaps these parents have the toughest job of educating their children according to God’s order. They must know what is being taught and counter false teaching that would rob their children of their faith. Since they are going to have to do a lot of teaching over again, they might be wise to consider one of the other two alternatives.

Remember, children are not born in institutions and are not given to governments. They are the blessing of the Lord to parents, the fruit of the love relationship in marriage that is the symbol of the love Christ has for the church. God gives children to parents, so that the children will be taught the love of God and a love for God. God never gave a command to maintain a certain lifestyle or to achieve a level of wealth. He did say, “These words I teach you this day… teach them diligently to your children.” (Deuteronomy 6)

Grandparents involvement in child rearing

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Often I will pick up the counseling phone and hear something like, “I am upset with the way my daughter (or son) is raising my grandchildren. What should I do?” Of course, this question and brief statement must be followed up with a good many details in order for me to know what advice to give.

One thing stands out in the way the question is phrased. It is the emphasis on these being “my grandchildren.” While there is an emphasis in scripture on the role of grandparents, like 2 Timothy 1:5 “When I call to remembrance the unfeigned faith that is in thee, which dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois, and thy mother Eunice; and I am persuaded that in thee also,” the primary responsibility for raising children and disciplining them is vested in the parents, not the grandparents. Most wise parents will put into practice the techniques of child rearing that their parents used on them. However, there will be times when ideas and techniques will differ. It is at that time that grandparents need to yield the right of way, unless what the parents are doing is definitely against the teaching of the Bible.

The role of a grandparent is much more passive than the role of the parent. Since we have very few examples of the active interaction of grandparents and grandchildren that lead to good results, and since God has no grandchildren, only children, we must realize that God intends for the parents to bear the primary responsibility for disciplining and raising their children. Grandparents should be ready to give advice — when it is asked for, or when it is necessary to keep the parents from violating scripture. Otherwise, remain silent. When advice to parents is given, it should be given in private, in love, and with the children absent from the meeting.

If you are a grandparent, remember: Your children are your investment, your grandchildren are the dividends on that investment. Pray for them and love them.

Keeping love alive in marriage

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Since our occupations can take one fourth of our week, or one third of each week day, without figuring overtime or that part time work, it must be reckoned within our effort to keep love in the home. I feel that there are certain signs that will help us keep the love fire burning brightly in the home.

“No Dumping Allowed” read the sign on an attractive piece of property that was starting to show the signs of neglect. Some thoughtless persons had discarded trash, and that made it difficult or impossible for the owner to keep the landscape neat. Many times the working partner or partners in a marriage use the home and their mate for a dumping ground. Problems and frustrations on the job find a resting place in the home, but they clutter it up and make keeping love alive and attractive impossible. While there should be a sharing of ideas and communication in the home, don’t use your mate for a garbage pit.

“Private Property, No Hunting Allowed” were words on another sign I observed on a wooded lot. Its owner knew that it was home to some creatures that others would want, and he was going to protect them and himself by posting the land. There needs to be an intimacy in marriage that is private and peculiar to the spouses alone. I am not talking just about sexual privacy, but also spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and physical intimacy. Paul told the Corinthians that there was to be a sharing in the marriage that would keep the partners hunting on their own property and would forbid others from encroaching on that hunting ground. (I Cor. 7:1-9) Proverbs 31:11 says that the heart of a husband can trust the virtuous wife, and he has no need for spoil or extramarital affairs. If your spouse is not your best friend and confidant, you are headed to the spoil – it is only a matter of time.

The ad in the newspaper read, “Attractive car, Well kept.” We too should realize that our spouses attracted us, and we attracted them. Reserve those attractions for each other, and remember what they are. So many times a wife will say to her husband, “You never date me any more like you did before we were married.” He probably counters with, “And you don’t fix those cookies you used to bake either.” From here it can get nasty, as his waistline comes into the discussion, and her physical appearance gets noticed. My wife reserves her first minutes on awaking to two important areas of her life, and mine. She spends time on her physical appearance and she spends time with the Lord, working on her spiritual life. Any wonder that I still count myself fortunate to be able to date her after 44 years of marriage?

In the classified, I found a little ad describing a “Time-share.” This is an arrangement by which many can enjoy the features of a piece of property, because each respects the others’ interest in it. We, too, need to share our time and interests. There should be things that couples do together, and there should be time for things that only one wants to do. My wife is artistic and enjoys crafts, sewing, etc. While I know men who crochet, knit, and sew, and do it well, that is not my thing. She needs time for that, but we spend time together while she does what interests her, and I enjoy my time on the computer, or reading the newspaper. We also share many interests, and we spend time together doing them. A hobby I enjoyed and plan to enjoy again soon is model railroading. My wife makes excellent model buildings from scratch, and we enjoy working on our projects together. Since a marriage puts together two people with different backgrounds, there will be unique interests and talents, and there should be time to develop them.

Above all, there must be a time together with the Lord. For a long time I struggled with the idea of leading that time, but as a husband it is my duty and privilege to make sure that we pray together each day. Even as the sides of a triangle come closer together as they reach the top, so the two of us come closer together as we approach the Lord together. The family that prays together does stay together.

For more about this topic visit our BBN BI and study course # 21400 Promoting Happiness In The Home

Dealing with family and marital problems

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We have received a number of counseling calls and letters on the subject of the family and marital relationships. It is surprising how many families are experiencing difficulty in one area or another. Some are having financial problems, communication problems, or other types of trouble.

It is amazing how many families do not have a financial budget, or have an unrealistic budget. In this day, when we have organizations like Christian Financial Concepts, it is hard to understand why couples do not avail themselves of some financial planning tools. Jesus said, in Luke 14:28, “For which of you, intending to build a tower, sitteth not down first, and counteth the cost, whether he have sufficient to finish it?” When more couples break their marriage vows over finances than over any other problem, it is courting disaster not to plan the family finances properly.

A number of other couples face problems in their marriages over infidelity. These are very difficult to counsel, since we rarely hear both sides of the story. It may be the wife who complains that her husband is seeing another woman, or a husband that says his wife is finding her completion in another person. The Bible says in Proverbs 5:15, “Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well.” If his own well has fresh, clean water, and his thirst is quenched at that well, he does not seek to drink from another well. A wife who is loved as she should be according to Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it” will find it easy to return that love in a way that keeps her husband drinking at her well.

Unfortunately, both of these problems which wreck homes, could be solved by more communication between husband and wife. In some homes, though, as soon as either partner starts talking finances or marital relations, the other partner becomes defensive and the battle begins. I try to suggest that the two agree before the discussion begins that both are entering into the discussion to find solutions, not faults. Avoid trying to think of a comeback to each statement by your mate, and be ready to admit and confess your shortcomings in the interest of finding a solution to your problem. Take time to pray together, and ask your Heavenly Father for His direction. Remember that He established marriage, and declared it a good thing for a man and a woman to live together in marriage. It is His plan, and we need His direction to carry it out.

To hear more about this topic go to: 202 Marriage and Divorce

Family revival

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The family is the first unit that God created, right after He created Adam, and well before government or even church. It is logical that revival must move from the personal to the family level. The ones we live with on a daily basis know us best and will sense what is happening in our lives. What a natural environment for further development of revival!

I must assume that by now you have begun the process of personal revival that must precede anything done with the family. Remember, in revival far more is caught than is taught. In other words, your family will learn more from your example than from your exhortations.

A good way to start is to gather the family together to discuss the need for revival. Share with them what has been happening in your lives you have asked God to lead you in personal revival. Share with them some of the things about which God has convicted you, particularly those things that touch their lives. They have noticed selfishness, pride, lack of prayer and Bible times, absenteeism from Sunday School, Church, etc. These things should be confessed to them.

It is important that the family unit be strengthened by this process. A genuine Holy Ghost revival will do this, since the family was instituted by God and is nurtured by anything God does. After all, a good family life is one of the signs of the filling of the Holy Spirit. (Eph. 5:18 to 6:4)

Dad should take the leadership in this family renewal; however, where Dad is not in the home, or refuses to provide the spiritual leadership for the family, Mom should encourage revival in the home. If her husband is present in the home, she must be careful not to nag him or put a guilt trip on him for his failure to lead. She should pray for him, and hold him up before the family. Family revival should emphasize the importance of our relationship with the Lord, and point out the ways to improve that. Family prayer and Bible reading helps, as does family giving, encouraging the children to participate.

Since revival will always result in righting wrongs, take a member of the family with you when you return that tool or utensil that you borrowed a long time ago and never took back. A renewed conscience may help you to realize that this is the same as stealing. It will also provide an opportunity to witness to the person who owns the item, and it will help in the humbling process in your life. The child who observes this will get an object lesson in how the Lord works in the life of one who is surrendered to Him and is seeking God’s best for his life.

A good family project could be going over the family budget with an eye to determining if the Lord is being treated with honor in our spending. With the same energy, it would be good to discuss as a family what we are watching on the television or viewing through our VCR. Be careful not to turn this into a legalistic session or you will miss the point of revival. Getting the family to discuss revival will lead to discussion of other areas, such as ways we can do for the Lord.

Above all, there needs to be a family spiritual time set up. This may be a formal devotional time, such as a family altar, or it may be a more informal time of sharing from the Bible while on a family walk, or riding in the car. Remember, our Saviour taught his disciples in all sorts of situations and in many different places, indoors, and out. In my family, some of things I thought were unimportant were actually the things our children remembered most. They cherished the spiritual lessons learned, probably better than they might have done had we had a formal devotional time that day. However, the most important part of family devotions is to get started. Don’t wait for the perfect setting or time. Do it today!

For more about this topic see: Christian Home  or visit the BBN BI and register to study course # 20300 Love In The Home