神 – 婚姻 — 婚姻是神的旨意
我們現在來一起思想基督徒的婚姻。婚姻是神的旨意。先來看看是什麼造成一個基督徒婚姻與建立一個基督徒家庭的。從神的觀點來看，婚姻指的是什麽呢 ? 家庭裡的每一個成員的責任是什麼呢 ? 依照聖經，每一個家庭成員該做些什麽才能在基督家庭里维持一個和適基督徒的立場與責任呢？讓我們從神最初創造的那裡開始。我們稱它為”婚姻”。
婚姻是唯一的在伊甸園裏人類墮落之前，從天上就已經賜下來的制度（創世記2：21-25）。 在罪進入世界以前，神就已經命定了婚姻，意在使婚姻作為地球上最充實，最豐盛與最歡樂的生活制度。如果婚姻不能做到這些的話，錯不在這制度的本身，而是那些不用心的進入婚姻又未能盡到美好婚姻所需條件的人。事實上，婚姻對神的計劃是如此的重要，神在以弗所書內將婚姻與與教會做了比較， ” 丈夫是妻子的頭，如同基督是教會的頭，他又是教會全體的救主。教會怎樣順服基督，妻子也要怎樣凡事順服丈夫。你們做丈夫的，要愛你們的妻子，正如基督愛教會，為教會舍己。丈夫也當照樣愛妻子，如同愛自己的身子，愛妻子，便是愛自己了 ” 。 （以弗所書5：23-25; 28） 因此教會應當是家庭的一個反映，而家庭也應當反映出教會的樣式。
婚前該注意事項
人們對婚姻的期望在許多方面有所不同。有些人是因為錯誤的動機而結婚，例如 : 身體的吸引，為經濟有保障，身體的安全，情緒能穩定，性的親密，想脫離父母的約束，逃離惡劣的家庭，自我形象不佳，想得到認可 …等等。這些動機在婚後遲早會浮現出來，可能會把婚姻帶入險境。夫妻婚前，彼此必須絕對的坦誠並且公開。他們應該有權利詢問對方問題，無論是社交方面，靈命方面，身體方面或任何有關對方在彼此認識以前，過去的任何事情。
誠實能夠防止未來可能的驚嚇/衝擊，因而挽救婚姻。事實上，每一個愛情都需要時間的考驗與經歷偶爾分離的考驗。這是在決定是否為上帝的旨意時的基本運用。讓彼此分開的這些時間會使人的思念增長，無論是對你打算要結婚的那一位或是對另外一個人的思念。要確定你們的關係有經歷過這一項時間的考驗。
神計劃要藉著婚姻來滿足我們的許多個人需求。這些需求如友誼的需求，家庭的需求，被社會群體接受的需求，兩性親密需求以及許多其他的，都從婚姻而能得到。“為這個緣故，人要離開父母與妻子連合，二人成為一體 。” ( 以弗所書5:31 )。神命定婚姻制度是為了使人得安慰舒適，快樂與幸福。這是神起初計劃的一部份。這不是由演變而來的一種關係。這也不是在人類的早期階段不小心掉進去的一種習俗。這不是人為的安排或是暫時的關系而已。這是起源於神的，是神創造計劃的一部分，是神所命定的，夫妻兩人彼此終生委身於對方的承諾。“ 所以神配合的，人不可分開。” ( 馬可福音10:9 )。神所設立的婚姻使男女在肉體與感情關係上聯結而有在世上養兒育女的恩典。
在地上沒有一種關系比婚姻關係更親密，更神聖的了。這關係甚至超越兒女與父母親的關系。我們的救主親自指示：人必須離開父母，與妻子連合 ( 創世紀第2章24節 ) 。請不要把這意思理解為：人可以不顧父母，忽略父母 – 絕對不是那意思。其意思在指出婚姻裡的關係與義務應該要先盡到/做到。從男人與女人進入婚姻盟約的那一刻開始，他們的最高的義務就是彼此相互為對方負責。
牧師/傳道人應當為基督徒舉行基督式的婚姻儀式。這是一個如此莊嚴的儀式，如此充滿可能導致善或惡的可能，兩人的永恒命運將要如此緊密相連，因此不允許以一種低賤輕佻的儀式進入這婚姻的盟約在婚姻裡，兩顆心和兩個生命被聯合起來，終其一生他們兩人合二為一。這是神的最初婚姻計劃，在人跌倒墮落，陷在罪裡以先就設立了的制度。 “因此，人要離開父母，與妻子連合，成為一體”（創世記2:24）。一，是不可分割的最基本整數。
這裡是一段著名的語錄，說出了神對婚姻的觀點。 “ 如果神要女人統治男人的話，神會使用亞當的頭骨來造女人。如果神的旨意是要女人做男人的奴隸，神就會用亞當的腳骨來造女人;但是神卻是用男人身上的一根肋骨造了女人。因為神造女人是來做一個幫助的伴侶，並且是與男人平等的人。 ” (奧古斯丁)
委身/承諾
婚姻是一個結合，只有死亡才能它分開。結婚儀式的焦點是在兩人之間的盟約和相互間的誓言，保證要“彼此相愛，尊重，和珍惜，直到死亡將我們分開為止”。結婚儀式所期待的是兩位新人彼此承諾委身與托付，不管未來會發生什麽事， “無論日子更好或更壞，無論是在病中還是健康時，無論是更富還是更窮，都永不分離”。兩人在神面前，立下一個只有死亡才能廢除的盟約。我們不難想象，當兩人發出神聖誓言的那段時間， 在天上的天使安靜了他們的歌誦，在等待中顯得靜默。於是兩顆心/兩個生命因此被神聖的約結合了。這樣的儀式是如此的聖潔，如此神聖，如此充滿既定的天命；身為基督徒，這個婚姻儀式只應當在有明白這事件之神聖的基督徒們的在場，才能舉行。讓我們不要輕忽神的這個安排而得罪了神。
如果婚姻能夠向人證明神所要給人的許多祝福的話，那麼對這些人而言，應當期望他們做什麼呢？他們心中應當存有些什麽？什麼能維繫這個新關系呢？將會有任何的調整或沖突嗎？讓我們來思考一下這些事。
適應與了解
每一個教會的牧者都知道這個真理。當兩個生命結合在一起了，必然會有一段時間，生命衝擊著生命。我們每一個人都來自不同的背景，不同的家庭，有不同的氣質與個性；有許多地方需要彼此調整。雙方都須要有諒解的心與思想來融合這個關係。夫妻婚後將開始明白，男人和女人的想法存在很大的差異，對事對物的看法大不相同。有些事對女人很重要的，在男人看來微不足道；反之亦然，某些事對男人來說很重要，而對女人來說却微不足道。他們很快也會發現彼此的習性，品味與愛好的差距遠比在談戀愛時要大得多！然而，如果兩個人的都是一个样子的话，這個婚姻很快便會乏味了。神造我們每人各自不一樣，為了要讓我們在成熟的過程中，能彼此互補。
做出這些調整的最佳方式是經常使用這幾個字。“對不起，請原諒我，我愛你”。這裏有一句經文，加強這幾個字的重要，“ 我親愛的弟兄們、這是你們所知道的。但你們各人要快快的聽、慢慢的說、慢慢的動怒．”( 雅各書第1章19節 )。 當夫妻們發現彼此之間有很多的不同之處時，他們或許會沮喪氣餒，並且認為他們的婚姻是一個可怕的錯誤。我們需要再一次理解到婚姻是需要彼此犧牲/不斷調整的，夫妻間需要作調節。夫妻兩人很容易忘記在婚前是多麽的美好，兩人是多麽的恩愛。在次的，婚姻是神的計劃，將兩個生命融合為一，努力的過好每一天，認真看待生活裡的每一天，你們會在每一件事上開始成熟，彼此互補不足。正如有人這麽說的，“ 在你與這個人一起過日子以前，你永遠不會認識他/她的。而逐漸認識對方/認識加深，是這婚姻生活的喜悅。”
讓我來舉例說明這是怎麽樣形成的。你曾經站在河流旁看過兩條河匯流嗎 ? 這兩條河水，一道是渾濁的，而另一道則是清澈的。兩條河流相交的地方就是尖銳的分界線，渾濁的水與清晰的水明顯而清晰的突出。當你沿著河流走時，你會驚奇地發現，在一段相短短的距離內，渾濁與清晰的差異跡象都消失了，兩條河流已經完全合而為一了。當兩個生命在婚姻裏匯合時也是如此的。聯結與完美的混合是不能被強制的，美滿的婚姻是漸漸的慢慢的到來—但是它終究會來的。那時你們的生命將會比毫無差異需要克服的那種更為美好，更高貴，更堅固。你們已經超越並克服了彼此間的差異，兩人都在自己靈魂上克服了自我贏得了勝利。而你們兩人在主耶穌基督裏結合的生命，將會帶來平穩的清流到你們美好的關係裡。
有時當你感到挫折，私心作祟的時候，魔鬼就會試圖要破壞這個夫妻關系。基督徒夫妻兩人應該彼此同意永不考慮或討論的一個詞，就是“ 離婚”這字詞。“離婚 ”永遠不能解決問題，這只是魔鬼的謊言，想讓你認為所有你們的問題都會因此解決。如果你曾經尋求神的旨意了，而神也將你們結合在一起，藉著神的恩典與指引以及與你們的堅強毅力，你們就可以使你們的婚姻成功。幾年以後當你在回想時，你就會明白真愛在婚姻裡的粘固力，並會為你擁有的美好關係而喜樂。所需要的就是多一點智慧的耐心。如果彼此待對方都是以耐心，而且為對方考慮著想，那麼調節很快就會發生，而當你們處在神旨意的中心時，你會發現婚姻是地球上最美好的關系。
決心
建立一個婚姻的關系並不容易。在婚姻裡對於快樂的想法一定會少一些，而會更多的會想到婚姻裡那些簡單樸素的的工作。當一位科學家經年累月將自己關在實驗室裏做研究時；或者當自己的小孩生下來就是跛子而母親的心靈正蒙受痛苦時；我們絕不會強迫的詢問他們是否快樂，因為這樣的問題是一種侮辱。婚姻是一個承諾，我們要對這個承諾貫徹始終。在跳進婚姻之前，我們需要察看；而一旦跳進婚姻裡了，我們就要在責任的崗位上持守承諾。從來沒有一個婚姻是必然會成功，也沒有一個婚姻是注定要失敗的。
沒有一個人有權白白的享有快樂幸福，除非他是以奉獻`以勇敢和自我的犧牲而贏得的。這三種品質帶來了神要賜兩人透過婚姻在基督裡合二為一時，所享有的幸福與喜樂。“又當存敬畏基督的心、彼此順服。” ( 以弗所書 5:21 )。幸福快樂不應該是我們的動機，因為它會變化，如風一樣。快樂是來自於順服神的話語，遵從神旨意的結果。“因為你們立志行事、都是神在你們心裏運行、為要成就他的美意。 凡所行的、都不要發怨言、起爭論。” ( 腓立比書 2 : 13 ~ 14 ) 。對基督徒夫妻來說，婚姻應該是在兩個人的身上活出的一個新生命。
如果婚姻的最主要與最終目的是獲得快樂，那麽夫妻會為了逃避無理的捆綁而分手。如果男女雙方都能犧牲小我，忍耐和諒解，不計較，決心使婚姻成功，那他們必定會獲得快樂。婚姻是神的恩典，而不是膚淺的世俗快樂。
如果快樂是婚姻的主要追求`如果快樂是婚姻的最終目標與結果的話，那麽快樂本身會逃避人的狂熱緊抓而滑走/溜走了。然而如果男女雙方都能本著犧牲，忍耐和寬容諒，不計代價，下決心要使婚姻的這冒險成功的話，那麼他們就會找到幸福快樂。婚姻是神施恩典給人的一種方式，而不是膚淺的世俗快樂。請記住，婚姻就像一個三角形，三角形的底部兩個角是你和你的伴侶，三角形的頂角是神。當你們越接近神時，你們兩人就會自動彼此靠近；同時如果你們兩人彼此越靠近，你們也就自然的與神越接近；你們就會發現“ 因靠耶和華而得的喜樂是你們的力量。”( 尼希米記 8 : 10 )
禮貌與謙恭
如果你是已經結婚的，你會記得婚前是什麼樣的，你的伴侶在婚前是多麽的細心關懷！你們在婚前總覺得做得不夠多來讓對方歡欣。可是在結婚後，我們是多麼容易就丟棄了生活上的這些禮貌了啊；不再說 “ 我愛你 ” ， “我為你而感謝神，讓我有了你” 以及 “你真了不起 ” 。並且其他的鼓勵言語漸漸的減少。那些讓夫妻彼此的心與愛意味深長的小小禮節也逐漸開始減少了。當然，這不能歸咎於一個人，不全是單方面的問題。在這件事情上，妻子常常疏忽，與一樣都負有責任。這裡要強調的重點是，這些禮貌的話語與鼓勵的話是婚姻生活的成功所必需要有的。請記住夫妻間要保持文雅的言行與高尚的舉止。請記住，這些在夫妻間彼此相待的文雅言行禮貌的舉止態度應該要改進`要持守。
我們都有愛心，但愛心沒有那麼大，能夠永久的承受冷酷醜惡的待遇。這兩顆婚後的心都是宅心的事實使他們對這種忽視更加的敏感。宅心與宅愛是忠心耐寒`耐熱`耐乾旱的植物，但還不夠能耐到不需要露水與陽光；宅心與宅愛也需要良善，溫柔，與禮貌的行為與體貼關懷來滋潤。事實上，已婚夫妻的心更是熱烈渴望恩慈，情愛，和體貼，這需要不會比未婚的人還少。可是許多人在婚姻裡卻沒有做到這些，就在這一點上婚姻被摧毀了。“ 小子們哪、我們相愛、不要只在言語和舌頭上．總要在行為和誠實上。” ( 約翰一書 3 : 18 )
調和彼此的興趣
即使是兩顆彼此極為相愛，非常親密的心，它們很容易會漂移分開的。在婚前兩人會盡力地去發掘對方所喜愛的是什麽，想辦法為對方提供那些。而在婚後，丈夫有他的辦公室，很多業務要操心，有工作上的職責和日常的瑣事纏累。妻子有她的家務問題，有孩子要照料，有社交活動。經常，在兩人任何一方意識到之前，他們已經貌合神離了，誤解早已經發生，因為彼此所關心的/所感興趣的早已遠遠不見了。
現在有很好的方法來應對這種意外情況。我認識一對富豪夫妻。他們都非常忙碌，各有各的工作/事業，但是他們並沒有讓彼此的忙碌導致他們的發展造成倆人分離。他們常一起閱讀，彼此關切對方的問題和所希望的。他們一起敬拜，一起禱告，歲月把他們編織交集成為一個完美婚姻愛的聯合。沒有一個男人是偉大崇高到不需要關注妻子的興趣與利益的。如果他不關心妻子，那不是一個偉大的象徵，而是愚蠢與失敗的象徵，因為他沒有能照顧神所賜他的無價至寶。婚姻不僅僅是去找到一位合適的人，婚姻更是需要自己做那恰當合適的人。要做那合適的人的話，你們各人必須與耶穌基督有正確的關系，然後夫妻倆人才能有正確的關系，請看哥林多前書13章。
從大處看、避免誤會
婚姻生活不是計算的地方，不是計較誰該負任，誰應該先邁出與配偶言歸於好的第一步，誰應該向對方道歉的地方。真愛是不知道有這些決定的！沒有！但愚笨的人會採用這做法，會如此的計較。如果有人在白天說了傷害人冒犯人的話語了，應立即收回這些話。這裏有一個很好的做法，就是如果在白天有人說了冒犯的話讓人憤怒生氣時，這一節經文必須被應用： “ 生氣卻不要犯罪．不可含怒到日落。”（以弗所書4:26)。而 在你晚上閉眼要睡覺的時候，你們必須確保完全恢復夫妻間的關系.. “對不起 ”這句話會帶來心靈的平安，加上一晚的好睡眠/使你們的心得平安，讓你們能安然入睡。真愛是願意先寬恕對方。婚姻生活中不容許自大高傲，這在婚前不被允許，在婚後的現在也不應該被允許。
家有基督的同在
若把耶穌基督和聖經從你們日常生活談話中排除在的话，那会是一個致命的錯誤。耶穌從來沒有自己的家，但祂愛家庭，並且花了很多時間在不同的家庭裡。基督在家裡的同在是不可或缺的。祂愛你的家，並希望隨時成為受歡迎的客人。千萬不要讓你的家裡或你們夫妻關係上造成一種情況，以至於你邀請耶穌基督來做客時你們會感到有障礙/感到不自在。缺少了耶穌，是不會有深沉堅固永恆之愛的。夫妻可能可以和平地生活在一起，但是缺少了神子耶穌的同在，就無法實現真正幸福美好的家庭。每個家庭的心臟是妻子，每個家裏的頭是丈夫；每個丈夫的頭是基督，而神是基督的頭。( 哥林多前書 11 : 3 )“ 我願意你們知道、基督是各人的頭。男人是女人的頭，神是基督的頭。”
GOD – MARRIAGE – It was His idea
Let’s think together about the Christian marriage. Marriage was God’s idea. Let’s look at what makes a Christian marriage and a Christian home. What does it mean to be married – from God’s viewpoint? What is the duty of each member of the family? According to the Bible, what is each member to do in order to maintain a proper Christian perspective and responsibility as a part of the family? Let’s start where God started it all. We call it “Marriage”.
Marriage is the only institution that has come down to us from the other side of the fall of man in the Garden of Eden (Genesis 2:21-25). God ordained marriage before sin entered the world and intended for it to be the fullest, richest and most joyous life on planet earth. If it fails in being this, the fault is not in the institution itself but in those who enter into it carelessly and fail to fulfill its conditions. In fact, marriage is so important to God’s plan that He makes a comparison in the book of Ephesians between marriage and the Church. “The husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the Church; and he is the savior of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let wives be to their own husbands. Husbands, love your wives even as Christ also loved the church and gave himself for it… So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself” (Ephesians 5:23-25; 28). The Church should be a reflection of the home, and the home should be a reflection of the Church.
Pre-Marital Check List
Expectation in marriage varies in many ways. Some get married for the wrong motives such as: physical attraction, financial security, physical security, emotional stability, sexual compatibility, freedom from parents, escape from a bad home, a poor self-image, approval and the list continues. Sooner or later these motives will surface and will put the marriage in jeopardy. Each should be absolutely honest and open with each other before marriage. They should have the liberty to ask questions whether they are social, spiritual, physical or anything that might be a part of the others past. Honesty will prevent future shocks that may save the marriage. In fact, every romantic relationship requires the test of time, as well as the test of an occasional separation. This is a fundamental practice in determining God’s will. Time apart will make the heart grow fonder, either for the one you plan to marry or for someone else. Make sure your relationship has experienced the time test.
God planned for many of our individual needs to be met through marriage. The need for companionship, family, social acceptance, sexual intimacy and many other needs are met through marriage. “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and these two shall become one flesh” (Ephesians 5:31). God ordained marriage for the comfort, happiness and well being of mankind. It is a part of God’s original plan. It is not a relationship that evolved. It is not a custom into which men fell into during the early days of the human race. It is not a mere arrangement or relationship that is temporary and man-made. It is of Divine origin as a part of God’s creation, which God ordained to be a life-long commitment to each other. “What God has joined together let no man put asunder” (Mark 10:9). It is His ordained institution for men and women to join in a physical and emotional relationship and to have the privilege of bringing forth children into the world.
There is no relationship on earth so close and sacred as the relationship of marriage. It supersedes the relationship of a child to mother or father. Our Savior, Himself, directed that a man should forsake father and mother and cleave unto his wife (Genesis 2:24). This is not to be taken as meaning that a man should neglect father or mother – far from that. It means that the marriage relationship and obligations come first. From the moment a man and woman stand at the marriage altar, their highest duty is to each other.
A minister of the gospel should perform a Christian marriage. It is a ceremony so solemn, so fraught with possibilities of good or evil, so bound up with the eternal destiny of the lives of people that a cheap or flippant mode of entrance thereupon should not be tolerated. In marriage, two hearts and lives are being joined, becoming one for their lifetime. This was God’s original plan for marriage before the fall of man into sin. “For this cause a man shall leave his father and his mother and shall cleave to his wife: and they shall become one flesh” (Genesis 2:24). One is the only number that is not divisible.
牧師/傳道人應當為基督徒舉行基督式的婚姻儀式。這是一個如此莊嚴的儀式，如此充滿可能導致善或惡的可能，兩人的永恒命運將要如此緊密相連，因此不允許以一種低賤輕佻的儀式進入這婚姻的盟約在婚姻裡，兩顆心和兩個生命被聯合起來，終其一生他們兩人合二為一。這是神的最初婚姻計劃，在人跌倒墮落，陷在罪裡以先就設立了的制度。 “因此，人要離開父母，與妻子連合，成為一體”（創世記2:24）。一，是不可分割的最基本整數。
Here is a famous quote that gives God’s perspective on marriage. “If God meant for woman to rule over man, He would have taken her out of Adam’s head. Had he designed her to be his slave, He would have taken her out of his feet. But God took woman out of man’s side, for He made her to be a helpmate and an equal with him” (Augustine).
Commitment
Marriage is a bond that can only be dissolved by death. The ceremony is focused on a covenant between two people who exchange vows and pledge to each other to “love, honor and cherish until death do us part”. The ceremony anticipates commitment exclusive of future events regardless of what happens. “For better or for worse, in sickness or in health, for richer or for poorer.” These two people stand before God and form a covenant that only death can annul. It is not difficult for us to think that the angels of heaven hush their songs and grow silent in wonder while holy vows are taken, and two hearts and lives are thus joined by Divine appointment. A ceremony so holy, so sacred, so filled with destiny that as Christians, it should only be done in the presence of Christians who understand the sacredness of this occasion. Let’s not be guilty of treating this Divine plan lightly.
What is to be expected of these people if marriage is to prove to them the blessing God intended it to be? What must they have in their hearts? What will sustain this new relationship? Will there be any adjustments or conflicts? Let’s consider some of these.
Flexibility and Understanding
Every pastor of a church knows the truth of this. When two lives are joined together, there is, necessarily, for a time, a dashing of life against life. We all come from different backgrounds, families, temperaments and personalities. Many adjustments must be made, and each must have an understanding heart and mind to blend this relationship together. They begin to understand that there is a big difference in the way a man and a woman thinks. Things that are important to a woman are insignificant to a man, and things that are important to a man are insignificant to a woman. The discovery is soon made that those habits, tastes and inclinations differ much more widely than was thought possible during those wondrous courtship days! If both were just alike, marriage would soon be boring. God made us different so that we can compliment each other as we mature.
The best way to make these adjustments is to frequently use the following eight words: “I am sorry, forgive me and I love you.” Here is a verse to reinforce this. “Wherefore, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath” (James 1:19). At the discovery of many differences, couples sometimes grow disheartened and conclude at once that their marriage was a dreadful mistake. Understand again, marriage requires sacrifice and adjustments to each other. It is easy to forget how wonderful it was and how much in love you were before marriage. Again, marriage is a Divine plan that merges two lives into one, and by taking it one day at a time, you will begin to mature and compliment each other in every thing you do. As someone has said, “You never really know a person until you live with him or her, and getting to know them is the joy of married life.”
Let me illustrate how it all works. Have you ever stood and watched as two streams of water merge with each other? One can be a muddy stream and the other clear water. Where the two streams meet there is the sharp dividing line. The murky water stands out sharply and distinctly from the clearer water. As you follow the stream, you will be surprised to find that within a comparatively short distance all signs of distinction are lost. The streams have completely merged. So it is when two lives merge in marriage. Union and perfect co-mingling can never be forced. It comes quietly and gradually – but it will come – and your lives together will be finer, nobler and stronger than if there had been no differences to overcome. Each will have won a moral victory over his own soul, and the united life together in the Lord Jesus Christ will bring calm and peaceful waters to a wonderful relationship.
Sometimes in the middle of your frustration and selfishness, the devil will try to destroy the relationship. One word that a Christian couple should both agree never to consider or discuss is the word “divorce”. It is never the answer. It is the devil’s lie to make you think that all your problems would be solved. If you have sought God’s will and He has brought you together, and with His grace and guidance and your perseverance, you can make it work. When you look back years later, you will understand the bond of true love in marriage and will rejoice in the wonderful relationship that you have. All that is needed is a little wise patience. If each is patient and thoughtful toward the other, adjustment will occur very quickly, and you will discover that marriage, when you are in the center of God’s will, is the most wonderful relationship on earth.
Determination
Building a marriage relationship is not easy. There must be fewer thoughts of happiness and more thoughts of the simple, unadorned job of marriage. When a scientist shuts himself up for years in the laboratory for research, when a child is born crippled and some mother’s heart is chained to the little couch of suffering, we do not press upon them with idiotic inquiries as to whether or not they are happy. Such a question would be an insult. Marriage is a commitment that we are to see through. We are to look before we leap, and having leaped, we are to remain committed at the post of duty. There never was a marriage that could have possibly been a success or a marriage that could have possibly been a failure.
No one has a right to happiness unless he wins it by devotion, courage and self-sacrifice. These three qualities bring the happiness and joy God intended when two become one in Him through marriage. “Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God” (Ephesians 5:21). Happiness is not the motivational goal. It changes like the wind. Happiness is a result of obedience in doing God’s will according to God’s Word. “For it is God that worketh in you both to will and to do of His good pleasure. Do all things without murmuring and disputing” (Philippians 2:13-14). For the Christian couple, marriage should be one new life existent in two persons.
If happiness is primarily sought and made the chief end and aim of marriage, it eludes the feverish grasp and escapes. If, however, men and women gird themselves for the adventure of marriage by becoming sacrificial, patient, forgiving and determined to make a success of the venture at any cost, then they find happiness! Marriage is a means of grace, not of shallow human happiness. Remember, marriage is a like a triangle. The bottom two corners of the triangle are you and your mate. The top corner of the triangle is God. If you draw closer to God, you will automatically draw closer to each other, and if you draw closer to each other, you will automatically draw closer to Him and find “the joy of the Lord is your stregenth” (Nehemiah 8:10).
Politeness and Courtesy
If you are married, you remember what it was like before marriage, how attentive your mate was! You could not do enough to please each other. After marriage, how prone we are to drop the little amenities of life. The words “I love you,” “I thank God for you,” “You’re special” and other encouragement’s are used less frequently. The little thoughtful courtesies that mean so much to the heart and happiness of each other begin to diminish. Of course, it is not all a one-sided matter. The wife is often as neglectful in this matter as is her husband. The point is that these words and encouragement’s are necessary for the success of the married life. Make it a point that these refinements of manner toward one another be preserved.
Our hearts are loving, but not so loving that they can permanently withstand ugly treatment. The very fact that they are home hearts makes them all the more sensitive to such neglect. Home heart and home love is loyal and hardy plants but not so hardy as never to need the dew and sunshine of kind, tender and courteous actions. The fact is that there are no hearts that hunger so passionately after kindness, affection and thoughtful courtesy as the home hearts of a married couple. Many marriages have been destroyed at this point. “My little children, let us not love in word, neither in tongue; but in deed and in truth” (I John 3:18).
Unity of Interest
It is a very easy thing for even the hearts that love one another very dearly to drift apart. Before marriage, you each did all you could to find out what the other person liked. Then you would be sure to provide this for them. After marriage the husband has his office, cares, professional duties and daily toil. The wife has her household problems, children and social engagements. Often, before either of them is aware, they have drifted apart, and misunderstandings have become easy because interests are so far removed.
Now there are excellent ways to meet this contingency. We know a splendid man and his wife who have been almost overwhelmingly busy, each in his own line of work. However, they have not allowed that to cause them to grow apart. They read together. Each concerns themselves with the problems and hopes of the other. They worship together and pray together. The years have knit them into a perfect union of wedded love. No man is so great as to be above concern about that which affects the interest of his wife. If he is unconcerned, it is not a sign of greatness but of folly and failure to care for the most priceless treasure that God has given him. Marriage is more than finding the right person; it is being the right person. To be the right person, you must each have the right relationship with Jesus Christ. Then you will have the right relationship with each other. Please read I Corinthians chapter 13.
Vision to Avoid Misunderstanding
Married life is no place for calculating as to whose place and duty it is to make the first step toward reconciliation, to apologize first. True love knows no such decision! None but a fool will take such a course. If offensive words have been spoken during the day, let them be recalled instantly. Here is a good practice, if words of offense, or anger have been spoken during the day, this verse must be applied, “Be angry and do not sin. Let not the sun go down upon your wrath” (Ephesians .4:26 NSAB). Before you close your eyes to sleep, be sure there is complete restoration of fellowship between you and your mate. The words “I’m sorry” will bring peace of heart plus, a goodnight sleep. True love delights in being the first to forgive. There is no place for pride in wedded life. It would not have been permitted before marriage. Let it not be permitted now.
Jesus Christ in the Home
To leave Jesus Christ and the Bible out of your daily conversations is a fatal mistake. Jesus never had a home of His own, but He was a home lover and spent a lot of time in different homes. His presence in the home is indispensable. He loves your home and wants to be a welcomed guest at any time. Never create a situation in your home or relationship that you would not feel comfortable inviting Him in as your guest.
There can really be no deep and abiding love without Him. There may be agreement, after a kind. Men and women may even live together in peace, but there is no such thing as a true home without the abiding presence of the Son of God. The heart of every home is the wife; the head of every home is the husband; the head of every husband is Christ; the head of Christ is God. “But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man, and the head of Christ is God” (I Corinthians 11:3).
把耶穌基督和聖經從你們日常生活談話中排除在外，那時一個致命的錯誤。耶穌從來沒有自己的家，但是祂是一位愛家庭的（神），並且花了很多時間在不同的家庭裡。他在家裡的存在是不可或缺的。祂愛你的家，並希望隨時成為受歡迎的客人。千萬不要在你的家或夫妻關系裡造成一種情況，以至於你邀請耶穌基督來做客你們會感到有障礙/感到不自在。缺少了耶穌，是不會有深沉堅定永恆之愛的。夫妻可能可以和平地生活在一起，但是缺少了神子耶穌的同在，就無法實現真正幸福美好的家庭。每個家庭的心臟是妻子，每個家裏的頭是丈夫；每個丈夫的頭是基督，而神是基督的頭。( 哥林多前書 11 : 3 )“ 我願意你們知道、基督是各人的頭。男人是女人的頭，神是基督的頭。”