妻子 – 家庭的心臟
若你是個女人正讀到這裡，想了解你在婚姻裡的角色的話，請現在停下來，先翻開你的聖經箴言31章（閱讀及思考第10節到31節這一段）。這些經節能幫助你明白你在婚姻裡的角色。本文也能幫助你根據這段經節，用一些實際的方法，讓你明白上帝在創世的“起初”所立定的美好夫妻關系。
我相信每個女人都會明白自己對於未來丈夫的價值。箴言31:10說，“你的價值遠勝過珍珠”。當一個男人向你求婚時，你已經從世上的所有人當中被挑選出來了。這所帶來的責任與機會，可能天上的天使也羨慕著呢。掌握在妻子手中的是她丈夫與兒女們的命運與他們在世上的一切好處，往往她自己還意識不到。你將會是未來在丈夫與孩子身上和在家庭裡最大的影響 – 遠超過任何人/任何事物。他們的發展和命運，很大部分是掌握在你的手裡。人們經常說，“兒童是家庭的產物”。父母都在家庭中留下印記，但是由於母親投入了時間和精力在塑造孩子的習慣，人格和思想，她對於孩子們的潛移默化是特別有影響的（箴言31:28）。
“妻子”這詞的英文‘Wife’,意思為‘weaver’- “交織者/織布工”的意思。她是那一個把家庭編織到所該有的美麗設計圖案裡的人。裡面的每一織線都必需彼此互補，相互依賴，來呈現出織布者的意念。一個由基督徒妻子所編織的家庭將會表現出優雅與榮美，顯露出聖靈在家裡所有的這些事務裡所做之工的恩典。 這也會在她孩子和丈夫的生命裏清楚的反映出來。“她的兒女起來稱她為有福，她的丈夫也稱贊她，說：才德的女子很多，唯獨你超過一切。”（箴言31:28-29）
家庭是妻子的宮殿。就像主耶穌基督是教會的頭，而聖靈是永恆的存在者，祂引導，影響，指示與教導並施行在聖經裡所立定的規則。所有妻子在家庭的角色如同聖靈在教會的角色一樣。她對家庭中所有事情的影響就好比聖靈對教會的工作一樣。妻子對於家庭，她帶領，教導，安慰，鼓勵，給予並且理解，這樣在信仰中建立她的丈夫和孩子。。
多年前的一位作家給出對一位好妻子的描述，說“一位好妻子是上天賜予男人的最好禮物，是他的天使和數算不盡的恩惠照顧，是他許多美德的珍貴珠寶。她的聲音是他最甜美的音樂，她的笑靨照亮丈夫燦爛的一天。她的親吻是丈夫在無知迷惘時的守衛，她的膀臂成為他的安全樁。她的事業是給丈夫帶來財富，她的經營可靠是丈夫最安心的管家。她的口發智慧是丈夫最信任的顧問，她的胸是丈夫最喜愛最柔軟的枕頭。而她的禱告是最能感動上天賜福在丈夫頭上的代言。”
如果以上是理想的妻子，那麽在與男人結婚前，女人應該問一些問題。因為妻子是家庭的心臟。女人應該問自己是否俱備所需要的一切？做一個敬虔的妻子，需要些什麽條件？想要成為一個良善有真實的妻子，你需要是什麼樣的女人呢？這是你渴慕想要過的生活嗎？以下是需要考慮的一些條件，為要成就神在基督徒婚姻裡為妻子所設計的角色。
合夥的關係
我在較廣的意義上使用“合夥關係”這個詞。請再讀一遍箴言對於一個才德的婦人的描述。“她丈夫心裏依靠她”。丈夫知道她是最好的朋友與伴侶，並完全單單屬於他一人。丈夫知道對於自己的一切利益與想做的事，妻子都是真心付出的；丈夫必需同樣的的真誠來對待她。妻子對丈夫的需要體貼，而且對丈夫的未來深思熟慮。她在丈夫身旁幫助他做的許多理想。沒有任何人能滿足丈夫的需要，擴大他的願景/視野，目標，未來，並且完全委身於他，像自己所娶的妻子那樣能的。
家庭的維持
的確，在某些特定的工作上，男人與女人是平等的。但現今的社會我們看見，男人與女人在職場上為工作彼此競爭。我們應該問自己我做這給工的真正動機的是什麽？可能是為了權力，金錢，自我價值，被人接納，得到認可，權利，物質或很多其他的原因，所有這些並並沒有對或錯。夫妻兩人認為，如果在工作一段時間之後，收入的增加將能會使他們有能力擁有所需要的東西，比如更大的房子，更新的車子，小孩能接受私立學校的教育等等…還有更多的其他更多的理由。然而，調查顯示，當這種情發生後，這對夫婦從來就不太能因為他們的收入增加了就達到他們所夢想的生活水平。 一旦這一對夫婦設定了基於兩份收入的生活水平之後，他們會很難再回到單薪收入的那生活水平，不能過那只有一份工資的生活了。到這個階段時，兩人都已經看不見聖經的清楚教導了。
從聖經的觀點來看，上帝真的希望女人出外工作嗎？尤其是家裡有幼小孩子的時候？聖經說，老年婦人要“指教少年婦人愛丈夫、愛兒女、謹守、貞潔、料理家務、待人有恩、順服自己的丈夫、免得 神的道理被毀謗。”（提多書2:4-5）
如果家庭在我們的生活中按照上帝的旨意而有優先權的話，那麼家庭的秩序必須要與聖經的教導一致。上帝的旨意是要妻子在維持家庭與孩子上找到她的滿足，藉著打理家務，愛孩子和使家庭成為她全家的的安歇窩/避風港。如果她不會打理家務，不能或不願意學習的話，她必需找人代替她打理屋子。一個整潔，照料完善的房子是快樂婚姻生活絕對不可缺少的。
對於一對年輕夫婦來說，這聽來可能很不浪漫，但並沒有減損這話的真實。許多幸福的婚姻已經被兩人的忙碌工作所破壞了，尤其是當家裡的衛生不清潔，沒有準備好飯食，孩子沒有得到照顧，東西亂放沒有放在合適的地方。丈夫從一個要求要有組織有秩序生意才能成功的的工作場所會到家裡，看到家裡的淩亂會怎麼感覺呢。如果維持井井有條的秩序對於事業生意的成功是如此重要，那麽一個家庭要成功的話，所需要的還能少嗎？
丈夫可能是一個非常有耐心的人，但是當他一直回到一個髒亂無序的家，屋裡亂七八糟，東西掉在地上不撿起來，該有的東西在那裡也找不到，那麼家庭的喜樂氣氛就會被澆熄的。當很多的東西堆積不潔時，當東西掉落地上沒被撿起來放回上次使用的地方，沒有放在它們原來該放的地方時，壓力緊張就會從家裡產生，很快的浪漫溫馨就飛出窗外消失不見了。
如果，作为妻子的你，要讓親密關係保持活力的話，那麼請你讓家成為他休息的安歇窩，讓他能從工作場所的壓力中避一避。然后你將自己放在他的位置上設想。當你回到家里时，希望家裡是個什麼樣子的呢？顯然，愛和尊重必需是綁住這親密關係的繩索。然而，妥善的照料家務將會營造這個氛圍，無論是建造，或是破壞這個關係。如所有的關係一樣，都必需要有一個基礎的，而這個基礎的重要基石之一是良好的家務管理。
互相要溝通
溝通必需從夫妻夥伴之間流出來，分享一切，任何東西都可以談。在夫妻之間的溝通沒有限制，沒有任何話題或討論是禁止的。同時，兩人彼此因信任所分享的任何秘密都必須受到保密。如果這這信任被侵犯了，它將嚴重損害這關係的基本基礎。雖然妻子完全信任丈夫，對他毫無隱瞞`沒有藏著任何秘密，但是在家庭以外談到有關家裡的事情時，她會非常的小心謹慎她的言語。
男人常常令人痛心的造成妻子難受。丈夫會犯錯有缺點，這會讓她惱怒，有時會造成她的痛苦。他會在這個或那個該做的事上沒做好。一個有智慧的妻子絕不會在家外面談這些事，也不會在孩子面前講。她只會對她的丈夫談，只會向救主耶穌基督傾訴這些事情。妻子可能會一直努力要糾正丈夫身上的這些毛病/缺點，但她應該要以耐心，帶著愛，存心忍耐把這些問題存放在自己心裡面。箴言31是聖經中有關於敬虔女人的特別篇章。這裡是一節要牢記在心的經文“她開口就發智慧，她舌上有仁慈的法則。”（箴言31:26)
在此，有個經常會犯的致命錯誤。那就是妻子們口誤遮攔，愚昧的彼此之間談各自丈夫的種種失敗。有時他們甚至會與其他男士談論丈夫的某一個過失，卻忘記了‘愛能遮掩一切的過犯’這事實。這個正在聽她談論自己丈夫缺點的男人可能心裡納悶，那個可憐的丈夫在一個背後這樣數落她的妻子身上到底看到什麼（價值）。所以妻子這樣做只會帶來別人的輕看。當你向外講到你家人和你的家庭時，應該謹守你的心和謹慎你的言語。
個人的形象 – 身體的與心靈的
今天，在廣告世界裡，鼓吹著美麗就是性感。許多女人接受了這個屬世的觀點認為美貌能帶來婚姻美滿，幸福和成功，到後來卻發現事實並非如此。一對新人在婚禮誓言結束後，開始生活在一起，真實是怎樣的人就顯露出來了。再次的，神的話語把它放在透視裡：“艷麗是虛假的，美貌是虛浮的，但敬畏耶和華的婦女，必得稱讚”（箴言31:30）
有人說，“情人眼裡出西施”。真正的美麗無法藉著減肥`時髦的衣服`美容化妝或靠世人所說的你需要怎樣怎樣才會美的任何東西來實現。 “願主我們上帝的榮美，歸於我們身上。願你樹立我們手所作的工;我們手所作的工，願你堅立。（詩篇90:17）。真正又持久的美不是外在的，而是內在的。你曾遇見過年老卻依然彼此熱烈相愛的老夫老妻嗎？妻子是完全有可能在丈夫眼裏持續不斷地增加魅力的。歲月可能會奪走她臉頰上的嬌豔，可能會改變她音樂般的聲音；但是發自內心靈魂的恩慈與愛的表達藝術仍然可以使她在丈夫的眼中全然可愛。但，要做到這一點，她必需要避免所有會冒犯人的行為，凡事都有可愛的`女性溫柔的，恩慈的與聖潔的熏陶來做一個不斷培養自己生命的人。
所以，這一切都回到了品德性格的問題 – 真實的你。一個良善的妻子只從良善的女人而來，而一個良善的女人只有從敬虔的基督徒女人而來。婚姻生活放了很大的要求在丈夫與妻子的身上。這是一個嚴格的操練,在（婚姻的操練）裡面含有極高的價值。一個妻子的責任義務是這樣，沒有女人能達到，除非她是一基督徒。試煉與困惑，反對與失望，哀傷需要關懷，這些的發生，除非耶穌基督在心裡，否則這些真是太難以承擔了。 讓主耶穌住在我們家裡！對每一個為人妻的，讓主耶穌做你最知心最熟悉的朋友吧！
Wife – The Heart of the Home
If you are a woman reading this and are trying to understand your role in marriage, please stop right here and open your Bible to Proverbs 31 (read and meditate on verses 10-31). This is a biblical passage that will help you understand your role in marriage. The following is given to help you build on this passage in a practical way, for your understanding of the beautiful relationship God initiated from “the beginning”.
I trust that every woman will understand her value to her future husband. Proverbs 31:10 says that your price to your husband is far above rubies. When a man asks you to be his wife, you have been chosen above all the women on earth. This brings responsibility and opportunity, which the angels of heaven might well covet. She holds in her hands the destiny and the earthly usefulness to her husband and children more fully than she often realizes. You will be – more than anyone or anything – the greatest impact in the future on your husband, children and home. Much of their development and destiny is in your hands. It is often said, “children are a product of the home”. Both parents make their mark in the home, but because of the time and teaching a mother invests in molding the children’s habits, character and thinking, her influence makes a much greater impact (Proverbs 31:28).
The word “Wife” means “weaver”. She is the one that weaves the home into the design and beauty it is intended to be. All of the threads must complement each other, and rely on each other, to express the will of the weaver. A home woven by a Christian wife will express the grace and beauty that reveals the work of the Holy Spirit in all the daily activities. It will be clearly reflective in the lives of her children and her husband. “Her children rise up and bless her; Her husband also, and he praises her, saying, “Many daughters have done nobly, but you excel them all”. (Proverbs 31:29 NASB)
The home is their palace. Like the Lord Jesus Christ is head of the church and the Holy Spirit is the Ever Present One guiding, influencing, directing, teaching and enforcing rules laid down in the Word, so the wife is like the Holy Spirit in the home. Her influence in all that goes on in the home is just like the work of the Holy Spirit in the church. She leads, teaches, comforts, encourages, gives and understands in order to build her husband and children up in the Faith.
The description of a good wife, which was given by a writer of years past, is “A good wife is Heaven’s last best gift to man, his angel and minister of graces innumerable, his gem of many virtues. Her voice is his sweetest music, her smile his brightest day. Her kiss the guardian of his innocence, her arms the pale of his safety; her industry is his surest wealth. Her economy his safest steward; her lips are his safest counselor, her bosom is the softest pillow of his cares, and her prayer the ablest advocate of Heaven’s blessing upon his head.”
If the above is the ideal wife, maybe questions should be asked before entering into marriage with a man. Because a wife is the heart of the home, a woman should ask herself if she could be all that is required of her to be a godly wife. What kind of woman will you have to be in order to become a good and true wife? Is this the life you desire? Here are some of those requirements to consider in bringing about the fulfillment of God’s design for the wife in a Christian marriage.
Partnership
I use the word in its larger sense. Read again the description of a good woman in Proverbs. “The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her.” He knows that she is his most wonderful friend and partner, and she is his alone. He knows that she is true to all of his interests and intents; he must show the same for her. She is thoughtful about his needs and plans for the future. She can stand by his side and enhance his dreams. No one can meet his needs and expand his vision, goals, his future and commitments as well as the beautiful wife he married.
Maintaining the Home
It is true that with certain jobs, men and women are equal, but today we find that men and women are in competition for jobs in the marketplace. We should ask ourselves what is the real motivation for this employment? It may be power, money, ego, acceptance, recognition, rights, materialism or many other things, not all of which are right or wrong. They convince themselves that if they go to work for awhile, the increase in income will allow them to have things they need like a better house, a newer car, private education and the list is endless. However, surveys show that when this happens, a couple never quite reaches the standard of living they dreamed of because it advances as their income increases. Once a couple sets their standard of living, based on two incomes, seldom do they return to only one income. By this stage, both have lost sight of clear biblical teaching.
From a biblical viewpoint, is this really God’s intent for a woman, especially while there are children in the home? The Bible says that older women are to “encourage the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, to be sensible, pure, workers at home, kind, being subject to their own husbands that the Word of God may not be dishonored” (Titus 2:5 NASB).
If the home has priority in our lives as God intended it to have, then the order of the home must be in line with what the Bible teaches. God intended for the wife to find her fulfillment in maintaining the home and children by keeping the house, loving the children and making the home a haven for her family. If she cannot keep house, and cannot learn, or will not, she must get someone who will do it for her. A neat, well-kept house is absolutely indispensable to happy married life.
This may sound unromantic to a young couple, but that doesn’t make it any less true. Many happy marriages have been destroyed by the hectic schedules of both people, especially when floors are not kept clean, meals are not prepared, children are not cared for and odds and ends are not picked up and put into their proper places. The husband comes home from work where organization is mandatory for the success of the business. Each person is required to maintain orderliness and efficiency in their work. If this is important in the market place for success how much more is it necessary for the home to be successful?
The husband may be a very patient man, but when he consistently comes home to a dirty, disorderly household where everything is where it should not be and nothing is where it should be, it quenches the atmosphere and kills the joy of the home. When things are cluttered and untidy, when things are dropped and left where they were last used instead of being put in their proper place, tension is created in the home and soon romance flies out the window.
If, as the wife, you want to keep the love relationship vibrant, make the home a haven of rest for him to escape the pressures of the marketplace, then put yourself in his shoes. How would you want things when you come home? Love and respect must be the cords that bind the relationship together. However proper maintaining of the home will set the atmosphere, whether it builds, or destroys the relationship. Like all relationships, it must have a foundation, and one of the important stones of this foundation is good housekeeping.
Mutual Communications
Communication must flow from each partner, sharing everything and anything. Between a husband and wife, no subject or incident is off-limits. At the same time, anything shared in confidence must be kept in confidence. If this is violated, it will severely damage a basic foundation of trust in the relationship. While she will give her confidence in full to her husband, hiding nothing from him and having no secrecy from him, she will be very careful about her talk concerning her home outside of her home.
At best, men are often dreadfully trying to their wife. He will have faults, which annoy her and sometimes cause her pain. He will fail in this duty or that. A wise wife will never speak of these things outside the home, nor in the home before the children. She will talk only to her husband and to her Savior about them. She may be constantly striving to correct these faults in her husband, but she should be patient, with love, keeping her problem in her own heart. Proverbs 31 is a special chapter in the Bible for the godly woman. Here is a verse to take to heart, “She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness”(verse 26).
Here, sometimes, a fatal mistake is often made. Wives foolishly and glibly chatter to one another about the failures of their respective husbands. Sometimes they even talk to other men about a matter, forgetful of the fact that love will overlook blemishes. The man to whom she is talking about her husband’s faults may be wondering what that poor husband ever saw in a wife who would speak in such a manner, and so she only brings disrespect upon her own head. Guard your heart and your words as you speak to others about your family and home.
Personal Presentation – Physically and Spiritually
Today, in our world of advertising, beauty is sex appeal. Many women have bought into the world’s idea of thinking that beauty will bring marriage, happiness and success, only to discover that it is not true. After the vows are taken and you begin to live together, the real person is revealed. Again, God puts it in perspective, “Favor is deceitful, and beauty is vain: but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised” (Proverbs 31:30).
Someone has said, “beauty is in the eye of the beholder”. Real beauty cannot be achieved by weight loss, stylish clothes, makeup or anything else that the world says you need to be beautiful. “And let the beauty of the Lord our God be upon us: and establish thou the work of our hands upon us; yea, the works of our hands establish thou it” (Psalm 90:17). Real and lasting beauty is not external, but internal. Have you ever met an elderly couple who are still madly in love? It is entirely possible for a wife to constantly increase in charm for her husband. The passing years may take the bloom from her cheeks, and the music out of her voice, but the arts of love and of grace in mind and soul may still make her altogether lovely in the eyes of her husband. To do this, however, she will avoid all that is offensive and be a wife who is constantly cultivating her own life with all that is lovely, womanly, gracious and godly.
So it all comes back to the matter of character – the real you. A good wife comes only by being a good woman, and a good woman comes only by being a Godly Christian woman. Married life lays great requirements upon both the husband and the wife. It is a strict discipline and therein lies much of its value. The duties of a wife are such that practically no woman, unless she is a Christian, can meet. Trials and perplexities, crosses and disappointments, sorrows and solicitudes arise, and unless Christ is there in the heart, they are too great to be borne. Let us have Christ in our homes, and to every wife, let Him be your true and familiar friend.