丈夫 – 家裏的頭
首先我們必須接受的一件事，就是男女的差別。男人有英勇陽剛的特性，而女人優雅溫柔。男人的身體構造，從細胞到23對染色體，基本上與女人是不一樣的。因此男性和女性無論是在體能上，情緒上，心理方面，精神方面以及與人之間的關系上都大有不同。神起初先創造男人，然後神決定男人需要一個助手，於是神再造夏娃。然而，他們兩人都是按着神的形像造的。 (創世記 1 : 27) “ 神就照著自己的形像造人，乃是照著祂的形像造男造女。”因此他們在神面前是平等的。
神顯然賦予了丈夫與妻子有不同的角色，並對丈夫有一個明確的命令。“你們作丈夫的，要愛你們的妻子，正如基督愛教會，為教會舍己。”(以弗所書 5 : 25)，並且“ 丈夫也當照樣愛妻子，如同愛自己的身子。”(弗 5 : 28)。神還有什麼比這個還更高的目標放在丈夫面前的嗎 ? 丈夫必需在各方面都“愛護和珍惜”妻子，保護她；並且要如同基督為教會舍命一樣，願意用為妻子捨己的愛來保護妻子。當丈夫這樣對待妻子時，他將會發現妻子對自己的尊重、順從他如同順從主一樣，並不是件難事了。丈夫必須明白，妻子並不是他的財產，而是他的伴侶。
事實上，這個夫妻關係決定到男人禱告的有果效或無果效, 並且也極大的影響到男人的屬靈生命。“你們作丈夫的、也要按情理和妻子同住．因她比你軟弱、與你一同承受生命之恩的、所以要敬重她．這樣便叫你們的禱告沒有阻礙。 ” (彼得前書 3 : 7 ) 。這不是屬靈或道德生活的參考，而是指出人的本性是需要被尊敬和被榮耀並且需要被愛的。你若想要有效地服侍神，更需要如此。
早在伊甸園裏，上帝就清楚地表明祂創造人類的目的，要人生養眾多，遍滿全地。繁衍一直都是神的創造計劃的證據。
在接下來的經文中，我們會看到神發出了一個命令，一勞永逸的對付了當今社會思想的變態。神說，“ 要生養眾多，遍滿地面 。” (創 1 : 28)。無論現代人可能是怎麼說，但毫無疑問的，同性戀是邪惡的濫用，顛倒了我們造物主的創造計劃了。 同性戀者不能生育繁衍。舊約聖經裏所多瑪和蛾摩拉便是這樣的試圖違反神的創造計劃。神毀滅了他們，正是因為他們違背上帝的神聖計劃而遭到審判的例子。如果你對這些有疑問，去讀一讀羅馬書1:26-27。
‘丈夫’這個字的英文‘husband’的意思為’house-band'(屋子的綁帶）。如果這個綁帶破裂了，家庭也將會崩潰瓦解。“丈夫”這個詞意味著他是一位領導，是一位保護者和供應者；他擁有“無比的愛和關懷。”
必需犧牲
現在我們談談丈夫對妻子的義務，那可以用一個字來概括 – 就是“ 愛”。“ 做丈夫的要愛你的妻子。”(以弗所書 5 : 25)。丈夫的要愛妻子，這不是選項，而是神定下的命令。但我們如何能測度“愛”的深淺呢? 我們時常使用愛來描述一些東西，比如 : “我愛我的車子”，“我愛我的狗”或 “我愛騎馬”。可是當我們在婚姻關係中論到’愛‘時，這“愛”字有更高更深層次的含義。
聖經說， ” 你們作丈夫的，要愛你們的妻子，正如基督愛教會，為教會舍己 ” ( 弗 5 : 25 )。對於我們必朽壞的凡人來說，若想要完全衡量這種愛，那是超出我們所能理解的，但這種愛必須是每個真丈夫的目標；因為他必需向著這愛的標桿去達成 ! 如果一個男人認真地思考過這道理，那麽他一切的自私和自我中心，就會在婚姻祭壇上那裡從他裡面消失。
有關於婚姻生活，愛包含些什麼呢？在婚姻中的許多方面，妻子成為丈夫最重要的並且是最好的朋友。以下的經文可以幫助我們更清楚理解愛的意義，“ 人為朋友舍命，人的愛心沒有比這個大的 。” (約翰福音 15 : 13)。耶穌在十字架上為我們設立了一個好榜樣。我們同樣也可為我們最好的朋友`我們的妻子舍命。.. 讓我們探討愛與婚姻有些什麽樣的關聯。在婚姻中，妻子成為丈夫的許多樣東西，但最重要的一樣是妻子成為丈夫最好的朋友。以下的經節將這個愛放進一個透視讓我能更清澈的了解這個愛的涵義，“ 人為朋友舍命，人的愛心沒有比這個大的 。” （約翰福音15:13）。耶穌在十字架上為我們設立了這個好榜樣。我們對自己最好的朋友-我們的妻子，也當如此，願意為妻子捨命。現在就看我們如讓這愛關係到婚姻了。
妻子也可能會發現到自己會被不同方向所拉扯要去走/去做。這些拉力的本身都不是壞的，但是，神將家庭放在優先首位，我們也必須這樣做-在家裡有優先次序。丈夫負有著為家庭設立準則/方針的責任，並且在家裡做領導的榜樣。不應該把這責任推給妻子。妻子的責任是跟從並且支持丈夫所立下的模範，兩人齊心按著聖經真理的原則讓神引導。
丈夫應該是餐前謝飯禱告的帶領人，以及晚上在家中與妻子和小孩靈修時間的帶領者。丈夫必需是認真學習上帝話語的受教者，運用聖經的教導與真理在家裏可能發生的各種情況上。丈夫不應該只是接送家人上教會就夠了，他應該帶着家人參加教會，而不僅僅是送家人到教會去而已。家庭與教會必需一起同工，來建立一個以耶穌基督為首的婚姻。
物質與屬靈的指導者
有些男人也許是優秀的愛人，卻是糟糕的領導者。反過來有些男人是出色的領導者，但卻是個死板戀人。雄性自尊常常造成男人在心理上對自己的認定遠超過他的實際能力。因此如何保持平衡非常關鍵。丈夫與妻子兩人都必須在各自在家裡的角色保持平衡。過度的承諾會讓婚姻關係帶來壓力，會在家庭關係上造成緊張。我們的家庭生活既然是最優先的，如何取得平衡是決定要投入多少時間的重要關鍵；如何分配利用時間是秘訣。
丈夫可能會在一星期的7天中，被工作會議所消耗了、晚上還要參與教會的活動、或對各樣的運動上了癮等等…還有一連串的活動表，造成自己筋疲力盡。肯定會有上千的活動會消耗你的時間`造成你離開家庭/家人的。然而，聖經有清楚的教導，給出秩序讓你知道優先順序你的家庭生活。
1. 對聖靈 (以弗所書 5 : 18-19 )
2. 彼此敬畏上帝 (以弗所書 5 : 21)
3. 妻子對丈夫 (以弗所書5 : 22)
4. 丈夫對基督 (以弗所書 5 : 25)
5. 小孩對父母 (以弗所書 6 : 1)
6. 仆人對主人 (以弗所書 6 : 5)
7. 主人對上帝(以弗所書 6 : 9)
物質供應
” 愛 ” 這個字包含了很多的責任並且有很多的含義。在婚禮誓言中，丈夫接下了供應家人的擔子；沒有一個真男人會想要逃避這責任義務的。聖經嚴厲斥責那些輕忽自己在這方面的責任，或逃避責任的男人。聖經說，“ 人若不看顧親屬，就是背了真道，比不信的人還不好。不看顧自己家裏的人更是如此。”(提摩太前書 5 : 8)。一般來說，讓正在餵養幼齡孩子的妻子出外工作賺錢，那不是最好的事。心理學家說，對孩子一生裡的最大影響，是在孩子6歲以前造成。因此，可能是母親-你自己，或是保姆，將會塑造你孩子的生命。你想，誰是神的選擇呢？然而因個人的家庭情況和需要，妻子在兒女年幼時需要外出工作，但這不應該是普遍的常態。供應家人的需要，是丈夫的責任，丈夫應該盡最大的努力，在神面前榮耀這個本分與責任。
有許多做丈夫的在這裡犯了一個錯誤。在他們熱心盡力為妻兒提供豐沃的生活時，卻忘記了主。他們沒有與上帝同工；在神的事工上，毫無付出。然後他們又納悶為什麼神沒有更豐盛的祝福他們。“ 因為得財貨的力量是祂給你的 ” (申命記 8 : 18)。一個真實又智慧的男人，絕不會把該獻給神的供物，揮灑在妻子與孩子身上的。哥林多後書第8章到第9章清楚地教導我們，信徒應當從家裏取出一部份獻給神。丈夫必須供應家庭的物質需要，但，神是我們一切需要的最終供應者。當你奉獻給神時，你可以因而宣告這個允許屬於你：“ 我的神必照祂榮耀的豐富，在基督耶穌裏，使我們一切所需用的都充足。”(腓利比書 4 : 19)。
合一
當男人在婚禮當中向女人伸出手來的那一刻，他以那個行動說，‘在世上所有的女人當中，我選擇了你’。在婚姻裡兩人合為一體代表夫妻將要成為如一人那樣 – 那影響到其中一人的，也影響到另外一人。為這緣故，兩人要愛惜關懷，體貼理解彼此這特殊的另一半。當夫妻合而為一共同生活時，上帝賜了這個特別的命令，“你們作丈夫的、也要按情理和妻子同住．因他比你軟弱、與你一同承受生命之恩的、所以要敬重他．這樣便叫你們的禱告沒有阻礙。” (彼得前書 3 : 7)。丈夫如果沒有善待妻子，將使你的禱告受阻，並且會影響你的一生。當妻子的美貌逐漸的消逝、當她的臉上出現了皺紋、聲音也不再悅耳、當妻子疾病纏身時；丈夫必須仍舊一如既往，真摯深刻的愛妻子。你要為她給出你自己，“ 正如基督愛教會、為教會舍己。”(以弗所書 5 : 25 )。這是一個高標準，而對於基督徒丈夫而言，這是一個要實踐的標準，丈夫必須如此對待妻子，直到回天家為止。（或直到兩人之中其一回到天家為止。）
危險區… 男人對於與其他女人的接觸與心思處理上，必需嚴格的防衛。男人最大的誘惑來自“肉體的情欲”。魔鬼就會利用這個弱點來毀滅你的婚姻。請別誇口這種事情絕對不會發生在你身上。讀一讀舊約聖經裏的歷史人物；大衛、所羅門王以及其他人就能知道。
做丈夫的必須在這些方面防衛自己的心，並且持守理智。男人必須聖潔地對待女人。(提摩太前書5 : 2)。他必須避免一切婚姻之外的性遐思，或任何性行為。(以弗所書 5 : 3 – 4 與 希伯來書 13 : 4)
“ 約伯與眼睛立了約 ”。決心不帶著邪念看其他女人(約伯記 13 : 1)。為了保護你的婚姻，你必須保護你的眼睛。如果你在電視上看到誘惑的鏡頭，馬上換頻道。若你在雜誌上看見，就馬上翻頁。如果出現在你的電腦上，趕緊刪除掉。我再次提醒你，防衛好你的眼睛與腦子，你就能保守你的心。你或許認為你自己能夠應付誘惑試探；但你錯了。上帝賜給我們一個勝過試探的方法–逃避– “ 你們要逃避少年的私欲。 ” (提摩太後書 2 : 22)
體貼
很多時候，男人往往對於體貼的事情不在意，不懂得體貼人。問題在於，當你下了班回到家裡後，就放松了警惕，随意而不拘小節了。平时無論是在商店或街上，你都會小心自己的態度。你会彬彬有禮而且周到。在工作場合你是小心翼翼的怕伤害工作场所女同事的感觉。但当你一回家後，就发泄怨气，把積壓了一天的苦水，倾泄出來。你可能很尖刻，話短又粗野。家人問你話時，常不耐煩的回應，聲調粗野，惹人腦怒。你認為因為這女人是你妻子，所以即使你對她粗野，她也應該會知道你是愛她的。你認為她不應該介意你所做的任何事或所說的任何話，即使你的那些说话与做法，對別的女人而言，根本就是大大的冒犯。其實，你忘記了，你妻子是有感受的；而她，很可能與你一樣，在受你窩囊氣之前，她在這天也已經疲累難當了。
丈夫容易在家裡犯的另一個重大錯誤是沒有盡最大的努力用良善與耐心來對待妻子。有些男人的確不會在家裡說傷人的話或尖刻的話；但是有一點我們也必須承認，他們也很少對妻子表達溫柔與關愛。他們的話簡短、公式化得像在談生意一樣。那種在戀愛時期的愛人到新婚之後丈夫的溫暖，奇怪的突然在婚後一下子就消失了。對妻子“疼愛與珍惜”的承諾早已被忘得一乾二凈了。你這做丈夫的啊～你真膚淺！ “ 被表達出來的愛 ”是需要被培養的，就好比其它的感情一樣需要被栽培，否則，那愛就會枯萎死掉的。
有時，男人需要對妻子的更加的敏感和體貼，要更關心妻子的感受。比如孩子可能是病了一整天，或孩子不聽話造成她難受了；或家務堆積拖延；或她必須應付許多突發的事故時，妻子有可能感到孤單無助。這時候如果丈夫溫柔體貼，表現出柔情，麽妻子一整天的難受沮喪，就會一掃而空。其實，只需要丈夫付出那麽一點點的體貼，就能要讓妻子消除一天的疲憊頹喪，而恢復心靈的喜悅了。
商量
我們常理所當然的以為，若是一個男人覺得一個女人值得做他妻子的話，他就會將她當成是一個成熟，聰慧的人來看待。但是有些男人卻對待妻子如同對待兒童心智的人。他們從不與妻子分享工作上的事或一天當中的辛苦拼搏。雖然女人對於男人的事業一無所知，妻子可能不了解丈夫生意上的一切。但她可能持有更廣的視野，可能是好顧問能夠提供丈夫很好的忠告哩。聖經箴言31章裏啟示說，尋求妻子忠告/建議的丈夫是有智慧的。妻子可能不像你那樣在腦子裡知道細節詳情，可是憑著女人的直覺，她往往很快就捉住了要點，而男人的邏輯思维卻緩慢才到來！因為妻子沒有直接的接觸所牽涉到的問題，因此使她的判斷能更清晰更精確。在事業上征求妻子的忠告的男人，是有智慧的人。事實上，許多男人因著與妻子商量/聽妻子的判斷而輝煌騰達；他們真應該要感謝妻子。
心胸寬大
男人的腦袋與他的心必需要同步。願上天把我們從一個 ‘目中無人’的自大`又是愛當家裡小暴君的那光景裡拯救出來。男人喜歡在自家範圍裏面，發號咆哮命令家人，對待妻子孩子如同對待畜牲般的沒兩樣。在所有可鄙視的人當中，這種人最低賤不過了。這種男人完全違反了神所教導的，要男人如何去善待妻子的教導。他們完全不知道“ 丈夫，當愛你的妻子” 的這概念是什麼意思。
降服於基督
願你將這信念烙印在心裏。有些男人對妻子很溫柔。他們為為妻子的舒適提供一切需要的物質。他們很體貼周到、心胸寬大。他們與妻子商議/聽忠告，對妻子很好；但是一談到屬靈的事情時，他們就退縮，不參與與妻子一起敬拜神。他們在妻子生命中最神聖的地方，將自己摒除在外了。
妻子一個人獨自上教會；她一個人獨自領聖餐；一個人獨自屈膝禱告。妻子獨自承受試煉，獨自抱持她靈魂的盼望和理想。她自己更希望她的丈夫比希望世界上的任何人，願意來到基督面前，接受主耶穌為救主並做他生命中的主。可在這一切屬靈的事上，丈夫卻還一點都與她無份…。“ 若一家自相分爭、那家就站立不住。” (馬可福音 3 : 25)
他棄絕了在婚姻殿堂上所做的誓言。神造了我們的身體，靈魂和精神。做丈夫的一旦否定這種神聖關係的屬靈部分的話，就是在這個婚姻盟約最重要的部分蒙蔽自己。丈夫也就無法持守他在婚姻祭壇前的承諾。我們甚至可以對每一個為人妻的說，也許這樣的婚姻不是上帝所希望的婚姻。這時妻子應該靠著神的恩典，不斷地以好行為的見證來感化丈夫，使不信的丈夫因她而得救。“ 你們作妻子的、要順服自己的丈夫．這樣、若有不信從道理的丈夫、他們雖然不聽道、也可以因妻子的品行被感化過來。” (彼前 3 : 1)
如果你們夫妻兩人不是在靈與魂合一的話，那麽這樣的婚姻不是上帝所期望的。丈夫在的這種行為是極大的錯誤，應當受譴責的， 上帝會帶他進入審判要他回答這個問題。 對基督徒妻子和家人而言，這是一個重大的錯誤，他這行為的後果將會在神的寶座前顯露出來，接受審判。
夫妻倆人的心應該在永恆的團契裡聯結在一起。人在地球上的歲月，只不過是一個盟約的準備時段，好能夠在死陰幽谷之外延續，並且持續的進入一切的永恆。我們相信，在神想要賜福`但人卻悖逆的失敗婚姻中，許多人將會淌著淚水進天堂。神會擦乾所有的眼淚，但我們還是會記得到底發生了什麼事情的。我相信許多人要為他們失敗的婚姻哀哭流淚，因為神沒法祝福這些人的婚姻。雖然神可以擦幹他們的眼淚，卻無法塗抹他們悲傷的記憶。我們祈求神幫助這個不在屬靈的關係上用心的丈夫反省，使他能夠思考這些事，將自己委身於妻子和孩子；更重要的是委身於神，讓耶穌基督成為他生命的主宰。
如果你做的不對，而想要糾正的話，現在就可以來做。當你朋友敲你房子的門時，你會馬上開門並邀請他進來對不對？現在耶穌就在你的心門外敲門。要不要打開心門邀請祂進來，這決定在於你。祂只會在你邀請祂時，才會進來。耶穌進來之後，祂會潔凈你的心，使你的心成為你每天能與祂團契的地方。祂會住在你心裏、每天與你同在。耶穌說，“ 看哪、我站在門外叩門．若有聽見我聲音就開門的、我要進到他那裏去、我與他、他與我一同坐席。”(啟示錄3 : 20)
Husband – The Head of the Home
The first thing we must accept is that men and women are different. Men have masculine qualities, and women have feminine qualities. The very physical makeup of a man is different from the cells in his body right down to the 23 chromosomes. Males and females differ physically, emotionally, psychologically, mentally and relationally. God designed man first and determined that he needed a helper, so he created Eve. However, both were created in the image of God. “In the image of God created him, male and female” (Genesis 1:27). This makes them co-equal under God.
God clearly gave different roles to the husband and wife with a clear mandate to the husband. He is to “love his wife as Christ loved the church” (Eph 5:25), and he is to “love his wife as his own body” (Eph. 5:28). What higher goal is He to put before a husband? He is to show the same concern for her in every aspect such as: “nourish and cherish” her, protect her and have the same self-sacrificing love as Christ had for the church. When a man treats his wife like this, he will find a wife that will find it easy to respect him and submit to him as “unto the Lord”. He must understand that a woman is not a man’s property, but his partner.神顯然賦予了丈夫與妻子有不同的角色，並對丈夫有一個明確的命令。“你們作丈夫的，要愛你們的妻子，正如基督愛教會，為教會舍己。”(以弗所書 5 : 25)，並且“ 丈夫也當照樣愛妻子，如同愛自己的身子。”(弗 5 : 28)。神還有什麼比這個還更高的目標放在丈夫面前的嗎 ? 丈夫必需在各方面都“愛護和珍惜”妻子，保護她；並且要如同基督為教會舍命一樣，願意用為妻子捨己的愛來保護妻子。當丈夫這樣對待妻子時，他將會發現妻子對自己的尊重、順從他如同順從主一樣，並不是件難事了。丈夫必須明白，妻子並不是他的財產，而是他的伴侶。
In fact, this relationship determines the effectiveness of the man’s prayers and tremendously impacts his spiritual life “likewise, ye husbands, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered” (I Peter 3:7). This is not a reference to the spiritual or moral life, but to the physical make up of the body, which demands respect, honor and love if you are to be effective in serving the Lord.
Even in the Garden of Eden, God made it clear that the purpose of His creation was to multiply and replenish the earth. Reproduction has always been evidence of God’s plan of creation. In the very next verse, God gave a command that once and for all settles the perversion concerning the thinking of today’s society. He said, “Be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28). In spite of what modern man may say, there is no question that homosexuality is an evil perversion of the plan of our Creator. They cannot physically reproduce. Sodom and Gomorrah tried to violate this. God destroyed them as an example of His judgment for violation of His Divine plan. If you have questions about this, read Romans 1:26-27.
The meaning of the word “husband” is “house-band”. He is the one that is to bind the home together. If the band breaks, the home will fall apart. The very name infers that the husband is to be a leader, a protector and a provider with a lot of TLC – “Tender Loving Care”.
Sacrifice is demanded
Now we come to the duty of a husband to his wife, which can be summarized in one word – LOVE. “Husbands love your wives” (Ephesians 5:25). It’s not an option, but how can we measure the height and depth of that word? We often use the word to describe things such as: “I love my car,” “I love my dog,” or “I love to ride a horse.” However, when we speak of love in a marriage relationship, it moves the meaning of the word to a much higher level.
The Bible says, “Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for it” (Ephesians 5:25). The full measure of that love is impossible to comprehend for any mortal man, but this must be the goal of every true husband because he is required to attain it! If a man really thinks this through, then all selfishness dies within him at the marriage altar.
What does love include as it relates to the married life? In marriage, the wife becomes many things to her husband, but the most important thing that she becomes is his best friend. The following verse puts this love in perspective and gives us a clearer understanding of this love: “Greater love has no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friend” (John 15:13). Jesus set this example for us at the cross. We can do no less for our best friend, our wife. Now let’s see how that relates to marriage.
The wife can also find herself being pulled in a hundred different directions. None of these may be evil within themselves, however, God sets a priority on the home, and we must do the same. The husband is responsible to set guidelines and be the example of leadership in the home. It is not to be passed off to his wife. She is to follow and support his example, being guided together by true biblical principles.
The husband should be the leader in prayer at meals and in home devotions at night with his wife and children. He must be a student of the Word, applying biblical teachings and truths to the many situations that arise in the home. He should take his family to church, not send them. The home and the Church must work together in building a marriage in which Jesus Christ is the head.
Physical and Spiritual Leadership
There are men who may be great lovers but terrible leaders, and there are men who are great leaders but terrible lovers. The male ego often finds itself mentally exalted far beyond its true capacity. The key to this is balance. Both the husband and the wife must strive to achieve balance in their roles. Over commitment will put stress on the marriage relationship and tension in the home. The home is the priority, and balance is the key ingredient in investing our time. The husband may find himself consumed with business meetings, involvement in church activities several nights a week, or addicted to the sports world – the list can go on. Be sure there will be a thousand things to consume your time and take you away from your home. However, the Bible clearly teaches the order for prioritizing your family life。
1. To the Holy Spirit (Eph. 5:18-19)
2. One to another in the fear of God (Eph. 5:21)
3. Wives to Husband (Eph. 5:22)
4. Husband to Christ (Eph. 5:25)
5. Children to Parents (Eph. 6:1)
6. Servants to Master (Eph. 6:5)
7. Masters to God in Heaven (Eph. 6:9)
Material Provision
The word “love” includes many responsibilities and has many implications. In the wedding vows, the husband assumes the burden of support, and no true man will seek to evade this obligation. The Bible has sharp words to say about men who take their responsibility lightly in this direction. It says, “But if any provide not for his own, and especially for those of his own house he has denied faith and is worse than an infidel” (I Timothy 5:8). Normally, it is not the best thing when the wife goes out to earn part of the daily bread, especially when there are children in the home. Psychologists say that the greatest impact on a child’s life is made during the first six years. It can be the mother, or a baby sitter that will mold your child’s life. Who do you think is God’s choice? However, there may be circumstances, occasionally, where such a need may arise, but it should not be the norm. It is the husband’s responsibility to provide for the needs of the family and to do so, to the best of his ability, honoring his responsibility before God.
Many husbands make a mistake here. In their zeal to provide lavishly for their children and wife, they forget the Lord. They fail to take Him into partnership. They give nothing to God’s works and ministries, and they wonder why God does not bless them more abundantly. “It is He what giveth us power to get gain” (Deuteronomy 8:18). The true and wise man will not shower on his wife and children what rightly belongs to the Lord God of Hosts. II Corinthians 8-9 clearly gives us instruction that giving must be a part of the Christian home. The husband must provide the material necessities for the home, but God is the ultimate supplier of our needs. As you give unto Him, you can then claim this promise, “But my God shall supply all your needs according to his riches in Christ Jesus” (Philippians 4:19).
Oneness
When a man offers a woman his hand in marriage, he says by that act, of all the women on earth, he has chosen her. Oneness in marriage means two will become as one – what affects the one, affects the other. There must be tender loving care and understanding of this special person. As they live together as one, God gives this special command “ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honor unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel and as being heirs together of the grace of life, that your prayers be not hindered” (I Peter 3:7). Treating your wife wrongly quenches your prayers and impacts your whole life. When her physical beauty is diminishing, when her face is wrinkled, when her voice is no longer musical, when sickness has left its trace, he is to love her as truly and as deeply as ever. You are to give yourself for her “as Christ loved the church and gave himself for it” (Ephesians 5:25). This is a high standard, and to the Christian husband, it is a standard to be practiced until heaven welcomes one of them home.
Danger zones…The treatment and thought process about women must be guarded. The “lust of the flesh” is one of man’s strongest temptations, and the devil will use it to destroy your marriage. Don’t say it can’t happen to you. Read the history of David, Solomon and others. The husband must guard his heart and mind in these matters. A man must treat women with purity (I Timothy 5:2). He must avoid any thought of, or sexual activity, outside of marriage (Ephesians 5:3-4 and Hebrews 13:4).
Job made a “covenant with his eyes” (Job 31:1). He committed not to look (or think) upon another woman with evil intentions. To protect your marriage, you must protect your eyes. If you see it on television, change the channel. If you see it in a magazine, turn the page. If it appears on your computer, quickly delete it. Again, guard your eyes and mind, and you will guard your heart. You may think you can handle it, but you are wrong. God gives one answer – FLEE – “Flee youthful lusts” (II Timothy 2:22).
Thoughtfulness
Much of the time, men are often careless about thoughtfulness. The problem is that you drop your guard, and fall into free and easy habits at home. In the shop, or on the street, you are exceedingly careful. You are polite and attentive. You are careful not to injure the feelings of a lady at your work place, but when you reach home, you give vent all of the problems and talk that has been suppressed all day. You can be cutting, short and blunt in your remarks. Questions are answered impatiently and rudely in an irritated tone of voice. You think that because a woman is your wife, she should know that you love her, even if we are rude to her. You think she should not mind anything you do or say, even if it is something that would greatly offend other women. However, you forget she has feelings, and she to, may have had a rough day.
Another great mistake made in the home is that you don’t put your greatest efforts forth in the matter of kindness and patience. There are men who do not say anything mean, or cutting in the home, but it must be confessed that they say few tender, loving things. Their speech is short, crisp and businesslike. The warmth of the lover and the newlywed husband has strangely disappeared. The promises to “love and cherish” have soon been forgotten. How shortsighted a policy this is! Spoken love needs to be cultivated as well as any other kind of love, and if it is not fed, it will die.
There are times when a man should be especially sensitive and thoughtful toward his wife. A child may have been sick all day or he may have distressed her by his disobedience; the household work has been upset and delayed, and the whole day has been full of unusually trying cares. She may be hurting and lonely, and if her husband has tenderness and will show it, then memories of the day will quickly wipe away. It takes so little thoughtfulness to erase the battles of the day and restore joy to the heart.
Counsel
It is taken for granted that if a man feels a woman is worthy of being his wife, he looks upon her as being a mature, intelligent person. Yet after marriage, some men treat their wives like they are on the same mental level as the children. They never share with them about their business, or their battles of the day. Now a woman doesn’t know everything about business, but she can be a great counselor, sometimes seeing the bigger picture. The woman referred to in Proverbs 31 reveals that it is wise for a husband to seek his wife’s advice. She may not carry the details of it in her head as her husband does, but the fact is that a woman’s quick intuition will often leap to a correct point, while a man’s logic is slow in arriving. Then the very fact that she is more, or less, removed from the immediate problem involved will often make her judgment clearer and more accurate. It is a wise man who seeks his wife’s counsel in the matters of his business. Many men can thank their wife’s judgement for a large share of their fortune.
Big-Heartedness
The head and the heart must be in sync. Heaven deliver us from the man who is a “nobody” at work and a petty tyrant in his home. He loves to stand on the hearth and be the dominating, tyrannical bully of the family circle, bawling out commands and threats to his wife and children like some wild animal. Of all the contemptible people, this man is the worst. This is a total violation of what God intended men to be to their wives. This type of person has no concept of what “Husbands, love your wives” means.
Surrender to Christ
May this thought be burned upon your heart. There are men who are tender toward their wives. They provide every needful thing for their comfort. They are thoughtful and big-hearted. They counsel with them and are kind toward them, but when it comes to spiritual matters, they draw back and take no part in worshipping with them. They shut themselves out of the deepest and most sacred part of a wife’s life. Alone she goes to church. Alone she sits at the Lord’s Supper. Alone she falls to her knees in prayer. Alone she bears the hopes, trials and aspirations of her soul. Alone she wants her husband, more than anyone in the world, to come to Jesus Christ and make him his Lord and Savior. He has no part with her in all of this. “And if a house is divided against itself that house cannot stand” (Mark 3:25).
He denies the very vows he made at the marriage altar. God made us body, soul and spirit. To deny the spiritual part of this sacred relationship is to be blind to the most important part of this union. We could say to each wife that maybe in this situation that such a marriage is not a marriage as God intended it to be! Only His grace will see her through and she can claim the promise that her consistent testimony may be the result of his salvation. “In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the Word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior” (I Peter 3:1 NASB).
If together you are not one in soul and spirit then this marriage is not the way God intended it to be. Such action on the part of a husband is utterly wrong and reprehensible, and God will bring him into judgement to answer for it. It is a great wrong to the Christian wife and family, and the consequence of his actions will be revealed at the Judgement seat.
Hearts are to be united in eternal fellowship. The years here on earth are but times of preparation for a union that will endure beyond the valley of the shadows of death and last through all eternity. We believe many tears will be shed in heaven over failed marriages that God wanted to bless but could not. He will wipe away all tears, but we will have memories of what might have been. We pray that God will help a husband who is not in this right relationship to think upon these things and to surrender his life to his wife and his children, but more importantly to Jesus Christ, making Him Lord of his life.
If things are not right and you want to settle them, you can do it right now. If a friend knocked on the door of your house, you would open it and invite him in. Jesus knocks at the door of your heart, but it is up to you to open the door and invite Him in. He will only enter at your invitation. He will cleanse your heart and make it a place where you and He can have fellowship every day of your life. He says, “Behold I stand at the door and knock. If any man hear my voice (that’s you) and will open the door, I will come in to him and sup with him and he with me” (Revelation 3:20).